1001 Reasons To Strangle The Talking Chin

I hate you Jay Leno.

Yes, it’s completely irrational. I mean, granted, I’ve never thought you were all that funny. In fact, you have actually annoyed me at your inability to make me laugh coupled with the fact that your chin looks like it was grown in a lab using steroids and ape DNA. But none of that has ever actually affected me until now.

So, what is it that you’ve done? Well, your shift to prime time TV next fall is a move into my friends’ neighborhood. Suddenly there are 5 less spots for my buddies to live, since you took up so much space. Chuck’s job at the Buy More barely covers rent, and do you think Morgan’s got any money to lend him? Or the DuBois family – Alison’s psychic abilities sure didn’t detect this kind of betrayal. Thanks a lot, pal – you couldn’t have just found a nice retirement home for late night hosts?!

Okay, realistically, I know it’s not Jay Leno’s fault. But he’s a good face to attach my anger to. After all, I don’t even know what Jeff Zucker (chief executive of NBC Universal) looks like, so I can’t even shake a fist in his general direction. What has Mr. Zucker done, you ask? Well, he’s the one who wooed Leno into the 10 p.m. time slot in a bid to both retain his audience and keep Jay himself from jumping boat to a competing network. It makes financial sense – a “Tonight Show v. 2.0” is a guarantee to hard-to-please advertisers, and it’s much cheaper to produce than a scripted drama. But when late night shows start bleeding into prime time, it begs the question – how many do we really need?

The even bigger quandary: what happens to the current scripted landscape? E.R. is taking its final bow this year, so at least that’s one less headache. And despite denials from Knight Rider’s show runners, I think we can safely start planning the funeral for that clunker as well. Plus, sadly, Life never got the push that it deserved, leaving Charlie Crews and Co. on the seriously endangered list as well. But the most surprising exit possibility would come from one of the “Must See TV” comedies. My Name Is Earl hits local syndication next year, and unless it gets cheaper to produce/license, it could be left on the chopping block with the atrocious Kath & Kim.

And NBC has already attempted some cost-cutting measures this season by sharing production costs of Friday Night Lights with DirecTV (and letting them air the episodes first), which staved off cancellation for one year. But unless DirecTV agrees to pick up even more of the tab next season, FNL might be a goner as well. Similarly, we’ve seen some of the 500 or so Law & Order titles migrating to the USA network (which, along with the SciFi Channel, is also owned by NBC Universal) to chop the budget, so another L & O move wouldn’t be shocking.

Which leaves shows like Chuck and Medium scrambling for any remaining slots. Mr. Zucker, if you’re reading this I’ll give you a hint: pick up Chuck. Vastly entertaining, wonderful cast, a blend of action and comedy that just WORKS. You gave it a chance picking it up for a full order before this season started – now just stick with that gut feeling. Promo the hell out of it, and let other people fall in love with this underrated gem. Start selling merchandise - hell, I'd chip in for a Chuck lunchbox, a Nerd Herd VW Matchbox car or some Intersect Underoos! I do love Medium, but I’m hoping that CBS (who produces the show) would pick it up on their own network (which they’ve threatened to do every year). I’d love to see both back, but that may mean I’d have to strangle the talking chin to free up some air time.

Damn you, Jay Leno!

If it would save Life too, I’d choke the monologue out of him right now. I bet I could get Conan O'Brien on-board for this plan...

What's New On Tube - Winter 2009 - Part 2

Here are the rest of the midseason replacements, by date:

*Means Brand Spanking New Shows

Sunday, Jan. 25 & Monday, Jan. 26

The Last Templar (NBC) – A good, old-fashioned mini-series event! This one follows Manhattan archaeologist Tess Chaykin (Mira Sorvino) and FBI agent Sean Daley (Scott Foley) as they delve into the secret world of the medieval Knights Templar. The cast is rounded out by Victor Garber (Eli Stone, Alias) as a high-placed Vatican envoy, and Omar Shariff (Doctor Zhivago, Lawrence of Arabia) as a Greek savant who comes to the rescue of Tess and Sean after a shipwreck. Does the whole thing sound a bit Da Vinci Code to you? That may be, but it’s a helluva cast and I’m a TV whore – come watch with me, won’t you?…

Monday, Feb. 2

Medium (NBC) – Ah, familiarity. Every year, NBC has thought about scrapping this gem and replacing it. This year, they tried out My Own Worst Enemy in its time slot, and we saw how well that worked. This is a fun drama about family life and… oh yeah, Patricia Arquette plays a psychic who works for the D.A. solving crimes. And her daughters are coming into the family business, getting psychic flashes in their dreams. I’ve got a vision myself – NBC…won’t be…so stupid...about trying to ditch this show anymore. Yay!

Wednesday, Feb. 11

Important Things with Demetri Martin (Comedy Central) – If you haven’t checked out this comedian yet, his stand-up special “Person” (on DVD) is a good crash course. It should give you a glimpse into Martin’s world of straight-faced comedic delivery (the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the great Steven Wright), music and art. Or you may recognize him as a correspondant on The Daily Show, with his Trendspotting segment. Either way, this new show should be a Chappelle Show-esque blending of stand-up routines and pre-recorded skits. Somehow, though, I doubt the phrase “I’m Demetri Martin, bitch!” will ever be uttered…

Friday, Feb. 13

*Dollhouse (Fox) – Joss Whedon. Eliza Dushku. For most of us geeks, those two reasons are more than enough. But there was a bit of work stoppage on production to retool some scripts, and suddenly everyone’s a naysayer. And the Friday nights on Fox timeslot certainly brings back bad memories of Firefly’s early demise, especially premiering on a Friday the 13th. But how ‘bout we give the show a chance before we assume it’s already canceled, hmmm? The Dollhouse is a secret organization that rents out operatives whose minds have been wiped clean so that they could be imprinted with whatever personality the mission requires. And you will watch and tell Fox that you love it. Just do it – so sayeth Joss. Amen!

Terminator (Fox) – Okay, this isn’t a mid-season show, but it is a new night – to pair it with the more suitable sci-fi themed Dollhouse.

Monday, March 9

*Castle (ABC) – The incomparable Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Drive) plays lead character Richard Castle, a successful murder-mystery writer. He is called in to help NYPD homicide when a killer starts copying murders described in Castle’s books.

Sunday, March 15

*Kings (NBC) – Ian McShane (Deadwood) stars in this modern re-imagining of the biblical story of King David. Here, David Shepherd (Christopher Egan) is a soldier who rescues the king’s son from enemy territory, setting events in motion to eventually bring peace. David becomes something of a celebrity, gaining the attention of many a young lady’s eye (including, of course, the king’s daughter). He gets swept up into this world of politics, hero-worship and questioned loyalties, wondering if he’s the man everyone wants him to be.

Tuesday, March 17

Reaper (CW) – Okay, everyone knows I’m cuckoo for this show, but seriously people – WATCH REAPER! It’s one of the most funny, original shows in years, and the cast works phenomenally well together. And check this out – it premieres on St. Paddy’s day! So even if you go to bed drunk and wake up in the morning with a little Reaper on your Tivo, no one has to know. And for those of you who have been watching, the second season is a short 13 episodes long, - so what do we have to look forward to? Well, hopefully we’ll find out how Sam’s dad survived the getting-buried-alive thing. And we’ll find out if Sam is actually the Devil’s bouncing baby boy. Oh, and we’ll be introduced to Morgan – who is DEFINITELY a spawn of you-know-who. Oh, and there will be enough viewers to ensure a season 3 – nudge-nudge, wink-wink…

Tuesday, March 24

*Cupid (ABC) – 10 years ago, Rob Thomas (creator of Veronica Mars) had an amazingly cute and quirky show featuring a little-known actor by the name of Jeremy Piven as Trevor Hale. Hale’s problem was the delusion that he was actually Cupid, sent to Earth in mortal form with the task of matching 100 couples without the aid of magic. The show used a weekly therapy session (with the lovely Paula Marshall as his shrink) to tackle his supposed problem. The underlying question, though, (which never got answered due to the series’ early cancellation) was whether or not he actually WAS Cupid. In 2009, Rob Thomas gets a mulligan, launching version 2.0 with Bobby Cannavale assuming the title role - and hopefully he’ll get more closure than Mr. Piven did…

Wednesday, April 8

*The Unusuals (ABC) – A funny cop show produced by Dennis Leary… is it the sequel to The Job? No? Well, if it’s half as funny, it’ll be worth a watch. Detective Casey Schraeger (Joan of Arcadia’s Amber Tamblyn) gets moved from vice to homicide because she’s an honest cop who could be trusted. But when everyone on the new squad has their own wacky secrets, hijinks ensue. Harold Perrineau (Michael from Lost) plays another member of this police farce...

Thursday, April 9

*Harper's Island (CBS) – They’re billing it as “A 13-episode mystery event!” It follows the adventures of a wedding party on an isolated island outside Seattle – an island that just happened to have a string of unsolved murders seven years prior. Now they try to survive while the killer’s back to his old tricks – I’m guessing about a murder a week. That’s why I’m having MY wedding at the beautiful Crystal Lake Resort. Yikes…

March (No firm release date yet)

*The Penguins of Madagascar (Nickelodeon) – I haven’t seen the 2nd Madagascar film yet, but if asked what the best part of the first flick was? Definitely the homicidal mercenary antics of the penguins. Will giving them their own show be too much of a good thing? Let’s hope their mischievous ways continue to keep us laughing.

That's all for now - check back soon for more useless knowledge!

What's New On Tube - Winter 2009 - Part 1

Hey kids - here's the January releases for new TV by date:

*Means Brand Spanking New Shows

Already Started

*Leverage (TNT) – I’ve gotta say, TNT is really coming into its own with the original dramas. This one is the story of Nate Ford (Timothy Hutton), a man who lived on the right side of the law for so long that he eventually got screwed. Now, he does good things with bad people – a team comprised of a thief, a tech geek, a grifter and… someone who excels at beating the crap out of people. Ford finds jobs where people have been swindled, and the crew find innovative ways to get back what’s been taken from them. The parallels to Robin Hood are obvious, but the blend of humor and wit make this one of TV’s best new shows.

Monday, Jan. 5

Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family) – So, you’re wondering what Molly Ringwald has been up to since the ‘80s? Or maybe what John Schneider has been doing since they killed him off of Smallville? You can find them both in this show, I can tell you that much. This is the “Holy crap, I only had sex once, how-the-hell-am-I-pregnant?!” teen drama, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention.

Tuesday, Jan. 6

Scrubs (ABC) – For those of you paying attention, yes it’s on ABC not NBC. Courtney Cox leads the guest star parade as she takes Bob Kelso’s old job. And it already looks like ABC’s giving this show better treatment than NBC did – they’re actually airing commercials. Wacky!

Nip/Tuck (FX) – What are those nutty plastic surgeons up to these days? I’m betting there’s a lot of blood, shocking sex and spider monkeys involved, that’s for sure. What, no spider monkeys? And I was all set to start watching again, thanks for ruining it for me…

Wednesday, Jan. 7

Damages (FX) – Glenn Close plays a tough lawyer willing to do nearly anything to win a case (do we remember the poochicide, anyone?). She’s finished kicking Ted Danson’s ass, so I wonder who’s up next?

Friday, Jan. 9

Flashpoint (CBS) – I don’t know what’s more unbelievable – that this bland, generic cop drama made it to season two after being a summer fill-in last year, or that TV still hasn’t found a decent post-Veronica Mars vehicle for Enrico Colantoni (Papa Mars himself). Someone must like it, though…

Monk (USA) – Tony Shalhoub’s OCD detecive returns for the tail end of season 7. Enjoy the show while you can – the eighth and final season kicks off its run next summer. While this show has never been at the top of my list, it has remained consistently funny and entertaining. Hopefully in the final batch, they will let Monk solve Trudy’s murder mystery…

Psych (USA) – Following the adventures of Shawn and Gus of the Psych detective agency (Shawn has a photographic memory and hyper-attentive detection skills, making him a great fake psychic) as they solve cases with the police, people have criticized this show for becoming too silly. As I recall, the show bordered on slapstick from the beginning, and if you’re getting laughs keep it up. (Oddly, Shawn has no relation to Patrick Jane on The Mentalist…

Sunday, Jan. 11

24 (Fox) – Oh YEAH! Jack Bauer’s back to kick some terrorist booty in this first night in the 2-day (Monday night is it’s normal home), 4-hour premiere event. In the seventh 24-hour catastrophe in Jack’s world you’ve got to wonder what kind of bad luck he’s got – and if he ever sleeps. (I’m pretty sure this time it’s an Iraqi plot to destroy America with Radioactive Hamsters – without black belts…)

Monday, Jan. 12

Kyle XY (ABC Family) – The further adventure of the boy with no belly button! With Amanda kidnapped after the prom, how will Kyle rescue her from the villainous Latnok group? I guess we’ll have to find out together. And if you haven’t checked out this sci-fi/adventure/ family show because you’re wary of ABC Family’s ability to create original programming, I’m giving this one a huge seal of approval.

Thursday, Jan. 15

*The Beast (A & E) – Fresh out of his recovery from treatment for pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze stars as FBI agent Charles Baker. His offbeat tactics have made him a target for I.A., but that doesn’t stop him from training new partner Ellis Dove (Travis Fimmel, of the short-lived Tarzan on the WB).

Friday, Jan. 16

Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi) – One of the finest hours of drama on TV (sci-fi or otherwise) begins its final batch. Producers promise a lot of revelations – and I’m guessing a liberal dosage of the word “frak” (my favorite fake swear-word since “Drokk” from Judge Dredd or “Gorram” from Firefly). This show’s innovative visuals and intricate storytelling will be greatly missed.

Friday Night Lights (NBC) – This show already aired its third season for those of you who have DirecTV, but for the rest of us we start now. And while a shortened season is better than none, I really hope that the loss of Jason Street and “Smash” Williams from series regulars doesn’t impair the team dynamic. From what I’ve heard, though, FNL is still at its best. And don’t despair if you’re not a football fan – most of the drama takes place off the field…

Wednesday, Jan. 21

*Lie to Me (Fox) – Tim Roth (Pulp Fiction, The Incredible Hulk) plays Dr. Cal Lightman, who is a human lie detector. He and his team of behavioral scientists are the Lightman group, and they know when you’re lying, Steve. Yes, you. They know what happened with that ostrich in eighth grade. Just let it out.

Lost (ABC) – Starting with the always-handy recap episode, we then get a two-hour season premiere full of flashbacks, flash-forwards and The Oceanic Six trying to get BACK TO the island. Life is always greener, eh? Prepare to be wowed while scratching your head and screaming “What the frak?!” a lot.

Thursday, Jan. 22

Burn Notice (USA) – Michael Weston (Jeffrey Donovan) received a “Burn Notice” – which, for spies, is essentially a pink slip, but with more identity erasure and shooting. If you haven’t been watching…start. Donovan plays smarmy incredibly well, and the rest of the cast play their parts equally perfectly - including the iconic Bruce Campbell as a freeloader with FBI contacts, the lovely Gabrielle Anwar as a tough gun runner (and Michael’s occasional romantic squeeze) and Sharon Gless as Michael’s wonderfully clichéd Miami mom. Watch…this…show!

Friday, Jan 23

*The Electric Company (PBS) – “Hey you guuuuuuys!” - guess what’s been revamped and is making a comeback? Loved this as a kid, so it’s got a lot to live up to for a new generation… except for the campy Spidey bits. They were always a bit disappointing – I mean, was he a mute? Slightly slow? Poor webhead looked like he needed a helmet…

Monday, Jan. 26

The Closer (TNT) – Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) and her gang are back in TNT’s flagship drama show. Between the cliffhanger from last season (fading to black while Detective Sanchez had been shot and Brenda was ordering him to breathe) and the new promos questioning whether or not Brenda and Fritz’s wedding will end with an “I do”, I can’t wait much longer. So let’s get this party started – thank you so muuuch!

*Trust Me (TNT) – The creators and exec producers of The Closer bring you this tale of the goings-on inside a Chicago advertising agency. Mason (Eric McCormack - Will & Grace) and Conner (Tom Cavanagh - Ed) are best friends – at least until Mason is promoted above Conner. A little brotherly competition never hurt anyone, though. What’s that? Cain and Abel? Oh, right…

For February releases (and beyond), check back soon!

The Best of Fall TV - Part 7 (Friday Nights)

I’ve got to say it again – check out Life on NBC tonight. Its premiere on Monday was both creepy and funny, and Charlie Crews is one of the best protagonists on TV. Anyway, on to the rest of the Friday night picks…

1. The Ex List (CBS) – (Starts Tonight) Intriguing premise: woman goes to a psychic, who tells her that she has already dated her one true love, and if she doesn’t marry him within the next year she is doomed to the single life forever. The problem for this as a weekly TV series: how many guys did this girl date? If we’re looking for this to be an ongoing story, with one guy per episode at an average of 20-22 episodes per network TV season…

2. Ghost Whisperer (CBS) – (Starts tonight) The show’s been on for years, so I’m assuming you know the basic plot – if not, the title’s pretty self-explanatory. What’s new, though? The fact that Melinda may soon be doing some of that special whispering with her hubbie (Jim) has the internet buzzing and CBS trying to calm fans down…

3. Secret Saturdays (Cartoon Network) – (Starts Tonight) Yes, it’s a primetime cartoon. And why the Saturdays are on the tube on Fridays… No answers for you there. So what’s it about? Well, Doc, Drew and Zak Saturday are a family of world-saving scientists called "The Secret Saturdays". They search out all the legendary “things that go bump in the night”, trying to keep humanity (and the monsters) safe. They travel the world, from ancient temples to the darkest caves – sometimes battling villains the likes of V.V. Argost, who uses his TV show (Weird World) to mask his nefarious plans. This is all set against the backdrop of your everyday family squabbles – just from an extraordinary family…

4. Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network) – (Starts tonight) Set between Episodes II and III, all the major players are back – just in a CGI animated kind of way. The problem I had with this whole project was twofold. First, they released the premiere for this theatrically – I understand the money-making machine that is Star Wars, but was that really necessary? My second issue is that the movie didn’t get released on DVD before the show started. It’s not that I worry about missing plotlines, but from a marketing perspective it seems a bit odd. I’m not expecting great things from this show – I’m slightly jaded from the (lack of) storytelling in Episodes I-III. But George Lucas has had me in his thrall since the seventies, so I can’t turn away now. And who knows, maybe I’ll be as pleasantly surprised as I was when the Clone Wars shorts done by Genndy Tartakovsky (Samurai Jack, Dexter’s Lab) were on a few years ago. I remain hopeful – talk to me after I’ve watched it…

That’s it for now, kids – this weekend, I’ll be unveiling my plans for world domination. Or at the very least, plans for my horror in October crossover event. Stay tuned…

The Best Of Fall TV - Part 6 (Wrapping Up Wednesday Nights)

Not much left for Wednesdays, and one of these almost doesn’t count – you’ll see what I mean…

1. Pushing Daisies (ABC) – (Starts tonight) I’ve gushed enough about this show at the end of the last season (Don’t believe me? Check here.), so I’ll spare the synopsis. So where did we leave off last year? Let’s see – Chuck’s forgiven the Piemaker for accidentally killing her father when he brought his own mother back from the dead. Oh yeah, and a drugged up Lily reveals that she is actually Chuck’s mother. Huh – didn’t see that one coming. Tonight, the unlucky murder victim of the week is Kentucky Fitz, who died in a tragic bee-related incident. It’s a good thing Chuck has that bee-keeping suit then, isn’t it? Don’t miss out on your second chance to jump onboard this show – beyond the fact that it’s one of the most visually stunning shows you’ll ever see, the adult fairytale that’s unfolding is one of the most sweetly funny things on TV. (Oh, and you could just get the Season 1 DVD set here to catch up.)

2. Friday Night Lights (DirecTV) – (Starts tonight – for some of us) What pisses me off more: the fact that this fantastic show is on a channel I can’t receive without switching providers, the idea that the show won’t replay on its original home on NBC ‘til Spring, or the knowledge that even when it finally does play on NBC, the episodes will be trimmed down (there are “DirecTV exclusives” in the first airings, essentially extra scenes that won’t show up in the replay)? I’m going to go with “D”, all of the above. Grrrrr – we’ll talk more in the Spring, kids…

3. South Park (Comedy Central) – (Starts October 8th) What hijinks will the kids get into this year? Only time will tell, but let’s hope that the show is ready to take on some of the lousy political and economic situations going on around us. At its best, the show has given us a good look at current topics, simplifying it to a ridiculous degree, and often showing us how stupid it all is. The episode where the kids went to Afghanistan and did the old Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd routine substituting Cartman and Bin Laden was a bit of genius. Now if we can just get Parker and Stone to keep away from the dookie jokes and get back to that brand of storytelling, I bet there’s a Roadrunner/Wile E. Coyote gag with Obama and McCain somewhere in there…

The premiere grid, should you still need it, is here.

The Best Of Fall TV - Part 5 (Tuesday Nights)

Okay, so I’ve been slacking on the Tuesday TV schedule – so let’s jump in and get through this quick and easy, like pulling off a Band-aid…

1. Fringe (Fox) – (Started September 9th) J.J. Abrams seems to have a pattern for picking his leads: one cute female (relatively unknown) and one attractive male, preferably from some kind of show that had a teenybopper audience – possibly add in a dash of comic relief to spice things up. In this show, the hot mama in question is Anna Torv (playing FBI Agent Olivia Dunham), the hunkey man-type is Joshua Jackson (formerly of Dawson’s Creek fame – playing super-smart Peter Bishop) and John Noble (playing Dr. Walter Bishop – Peter’s father, also ridiculously intelligent, and nutty as a squirrel turd – thus the comic relief). (If you’re wondering what the parallels are, in LOST their counterparts would be Evangeline Lilly, Matthew Fox (previously of Party of Five) and Jorge Garcia (Hurley – not wicked smaht, but equally funny.)) What you’ve missed so far: melting people on a plane, rapidly aging serial killers and psychic lab experiments – oh, and they pulled the eye out of a corpse to do… oh, I forget, but it was pretty gross. What could sink this show? Right now, Fox is actually doing a pretty decent job promoting Fringe, so they’re not a problem – yet. But if they don’t let Olivia get over her dead ex soon and start to crack a smile? Even the crazytown antics of Dr. Bishop won’t be enough to lighten the mood after a while. We need levity injected into a show with such a serious backstory. Final words: the shadowy conspiracy in this mythology series has a name: The Pattern. Oooooh, the evil pattern. Is it the government? The scary corporate scientists? Needlework designs fom Hell? I’ll never tell - XOXO.

2. The Mentalist (CBS) – (Started September 23rd) Patrick Jane works as an independent detective who uses his honed observation skills to assist law enforcement in solving crimes. Add a spunky sidekick in the pharmaceutical biz, a spunky female cop as a love interest and a head detective nicknamed Lassie? Yeah, isn’t this already a show on USA called Psych? Oh, but this one isn’t supposed to be funny? Okay. Worth checking out, but if you have to choose between this and House – not sure how many will tune in…

3. House (Fox) – (Started September 16th) So, Dr. Wilson may or may not blame House for the death of his girlfriend – but he definitely doesn’t want to be friends anymore, so he’s moved away. A character replacement that seems to be working oddly well? The private detective House hired to get background dirt on his patients – oh, and he hired him to spy on Wilson, but that’s really no surprise. And yes, the new team is still intact (Foreman, Thirteen, that guy from Harold & Kumar and the cranky ex-plastic surgeon). Also still going strong – the weekly lumbar puncture, House’s crankiness/general insanity and a steady increase in the amount of gross and gooey procedures. Bottom line: if you don’t know how good House is by now, we may need a psych consult – or another L.P. just to be safe…

4. The Shield (FX) – (Started September 2nd) Whether or not you agree with Vic Mackey’s strongarm politics, he’s always gotten the job done. Granted, he might’ve burnt some people’s faces off along the way, and maybe he stole a truckload of money from the Russian mob – nobody’s perfect. The thing to remember about this show, though? This is one of the cable network successes that proved that original scripted programs could exist beyond the major networks. AND they could be just as edgy as anything on HBO or Showtime. So give this show some love – it’s the final season, and I’m betting they don’t bow out quietly.

5. Eli Stone (ABC) – (Starts October 14th) A mid-season replacement from last year that came out with a success story – a pickup for season 2! And there are few shows as deserving – the quirky dramedy about a lawyer whose George Michael-centric hallucinations turn him into a modern-day prophet is funny, well written and populated with a fantastic cast. Jump on board when it starts up again – I’m sure the “Previously On” voiceover guy will tell you anything you missed – just a hunch.

See you soon for more – but not much more, we’re almost caught up. Again, for the full premiere grid go here.

The Best Of Fall TV - Part 4 (Wrapping Up Monday Night's Schedule)

For a full synopsis of the shows I'm recommending here, use the handy time-travel feature to the right (the archives, silly). I did promos for most of these programs in May and June. For now, let’s focus on what’s coming up for the new season.

1. Chuck (NBC) – (Starts tonight) Here’s the one I’ve been waiting for – just an amazing blend of over-the-top action with zany comedy thrown in. So where did we leave off? Oh yeah, Casey was ordered to kill Chuck once the new Intersect was complete. Jeez, I hope they don’t kill off the main character, huh? On the bright side, it looks like Chuck may get to go on a real date with Sarah tonight – and she doesn’t even have to wear the Wienerlicious outfit. Dang. (For a better description, check out my previous post here.)

2. Life (NBC) – (Starts tonight) Okay NBC, let’s hope you know what you’re doing. They’re taking this sophomore drama, a complex conspiracy theory show interlaced with a weekly procedural, and pumping out two episodes a week for its first two weeks. One episode on Monday and one on Friday, until it switches to Fridays full time on October 17th - where it will hopefully not die a slow death in that dead zone of a night. For now though, a strong premiere episode featuring a new serial killer. This one lets his victims suffocate in trunks, strategically places them around town, and sends a riddle as to their location. Sounds like we might need Batman for this one – or Charlie Crews, since this is his show. (Check this out for a better show description.)

3. Prison Break (Fox) – Okay, this one has been on for nearly a month now, but I’m just getting around to checking things out on Tivo. While it is most certainly a guilty pleasure of a show, Prison Break has done a pretty good job of reinventing itself this season. We’re finally starting to get a glimpse of The Company, the uber-mysterious organization that has been trying to kill Michael and friends from day one. But now, with Michael “officially” leading his team to take down The Company? It’s been a fun ride so far, let’s hope they can keep it up…

4. My Own Worst Enemy (NBC) – (Starts October 13th) Guess what’s taking Life’s spot in the Monday rotation? Yep, this Christian Slater vehicle. I’m sure you’ve seen the ads – Slater plays a character who is unaware that he is leading a double life as both a suburban nobody and a secret agent. Is it schizophrenia? Hypnosis? Will one of the personalities sound oddly similar to Jack Nicholson? I guess we’ll find that out together…

5. Samantha Who? (ABC) – (Starts October 13th) Chronicling the life of an amnesiac (Christina Applegate) who used to be a bitch, but is now (at least temporarily) a sweetheart. This sitcom was a wonderful departure from the usual crappy formula, largely due to the phenomenal cast. Hopefully the second year can live up to the promise of the first. (And obviously, we’re very happy about Applegate’s full recovery this summer.)

Maybe tomorrow I can actually get to the Tuesday schedule. Or maybe I’ll sleep in again. Time will tell…

The Best Of Fall TV - Part 3 (Thursday Nights)

So, how fun was that presidential address last night, huh? I got home expecting to see Criminal Minds, only to see W’s big dopey face talking about the wonderful shape our economy is in. Grrrr. Not much new to report for Thursdays until October 9th, but we do have a few favorites that are returning tonight. (And a couple that started last week on the CW…)

1. Supernatural (CW) – There just aren’t enough monster-driven shows anymore. I mean, sure, Lost has its fair share of scares, but even those are some kind of high-tech island security so it just doesn’t inspire the same kind of fear. But Supernatural? Besides the demons they fight on a weekly basis, who are always good for some good old-fashioned civilian disemboweling, we also get a rogues gallery of monsters from a variety of mythologies – from your usual baddies like vamps and ghosts to more odd fair, like the “Anti-Santa” that dragged its victims up through a chimney. Great creature-feature flair with a generous dose of humor makes this another show that I can’t wait to watch. And last week’s season opener certainly didn’t disappoint. (*Spoilers ahead) They didn’t drag out the whole “Oh, Dean’s been ripped apart by a Hellhound and dragged into the fiery pits” storyline – I mean, boo-hoo, right? No, they brought him right back – and in the opening sequence, we see Dean dragging his sorry butt out of his own grave. Quite the comeback. Of course, things can never be simple for the Winchester boys, so why would his resurrection come without strings attached? Let’s just say that Angels might not be the folklore the boys thought they were, and that this season might start a whole new path…

2. The Return of Funny On NBC: My Name Is Earl and The Office – Ah, Earl – I love you so. But last season, you left me to go to jail – and you dragged out that bit for waaaaay too long. Then you got out and married Alyssa Milano, who seemed like she was perfect for you! Hooray! But then she turned into a psycho and made things unpleasant once again. Boo! But by the end of the season, things got back on the rails, Earl was set to start working the karma list again, and goodness prevailed. So hopefully this season will make me renew my love – and what better way to start than with tonight’s double-shot. Two new episodes! Then The Office takes over, and I confess I have no idea what’s going on – I’m one of the few people who didn’t catch on from the start, so I’ve got years of back story to fill in, which seems daunting. But this thing has one of the funniest men alive, Steve Carell, along with a fantastic cast – so what are you waiting for, go watch it…

3. Ugly Betty (ABC) – Christie (13) from Ohmagosh, Michigan writes: “OMG – So, like, Betty totally had to choose between Gio and Henry at the end of last season. I mean, Gio is, like, completely dreamy, so it seems like a no-brainer – but she totally had that fairytale romance thing going with that nerd Henry, even though he knocked up that skanky ex-girlfriend of his! And Henry was all like “I’m down on one knee with a ring” and stuff, so, it has to be him, right blogman?”
Or not. Since Christopher Gorham (the actor who plays Henry) has signed on to Harper’s Ferry, a midseason show on CBS, I wouldn’t expect much in the long-term for a Betty-Henry pairing. And what about all those other loose ends from the finale? Was it going to be Wilhemina or Daniel running Mode? Was Tony Diaz going to stay with his wife or move on to Hilda? And wasn’t Christina still Wilhemina’s baby mama? Presumably, we’ll find out at least ONE of those answers tonight…

4. Smallville (CW) – (This show started last week as well) Yes, I’m still going to watch. Lex was supposed to be Clark’s bald-headed arch-nemesis for all time, and Michael Rosenbaum did a superb job playing the role (to the point where he just looked abnormal WITH hair, as seen in Sorority Boys). And Lana – okay, she was getting a bit melodramatic towards the end, right? I mean, even IN the coma? Still, the fact that both of these characters will only be in a handful of episodes from this season isn’t going to help the show – but adding Green Arrow as more of a regular should boost things a bit. Oh, and we’ll see more of the Young Justice League. And hopefully a lot more for Chloe and Jimmy, who have become the most fun part of the show. Now if they could only get the rights to introduce that young Bruce Wayne character – then, we’d be talkin’!

5. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX) – (Another show that started last week – but the plots are insane, you can pretty much just jump on whenever you want…)
Here’s a quick synopsis of the FX sitcom: Take the premise of Friends, and substitute the main characters with self-centered misanthropes. Now switch out the coffee house for a dive bar. Then get Monica and Ross hooked on crack, turn Chandler into Phoebe’s creepy stalker and have Joey bang Rachel’s Mom. What’s that retching noise – oh, you get the basic idea? I find that once you stop questioning whether or not you’re going to Hell every time you laugh out loud, it’s a lot easier to digest. The fact that the double-dose of goodness in last week’s premiere saw this band of freaks switching gears between possibly being cannibals and selling gas door-to-door as part of a get-rich-quick scheme just makes sense – if you’re insane enough to follow their logic. And once you can do that, you’ll laugh so hard that milk will come out your nose – even when you’re not drinking any. It’s THAT funny. But make no mistake – you are going to Hell for laughing. And I’ll be right there next to you, since this is one of my favorite shows…

That’s it for now – I’ll preview the other new Thursday shows soon. And again, for a premiere grid go here.

The Best Of Fall TV – Part 2 (Wednesday Nights)

Okay, on to the Wednesday shows…

Hold on, what the hell happened to the Tuesday shows?
Ummmm… would you believe that the zombie hordes came back and I had to fight them off again? No? Okay, I overslept yesterday – I promise to get back to it soon. Are we okay?
Yeah, but don’t let it happen again. I was sitting in front of the TV all Tuesday night with no idea what to watch, and now my head hurts. But I do like that commercial with the monkey washing the cat!
Who doesn’t? Listen, I’m sorry I broke your brain, but we’ve GOT to move on…

New Shows – Wednesdays Are Slim Pickings

1. Knight Rider (NBC) – Oh boy! A talking car again! Mommy, can we please watch this show?! Yeah, they’ve resurrected another old show on NBC – I guess they didn’t learn from the poorly handled debacle that was The Bionic Woman. From what I hear, though, the Knight Rider TV movie that aired earlier this year (and served as a back-door pilot – tee-hee, that sounds naughty) was very well-received – thus the new show. Still a talking car show, however you cut it. I’m still holding out for that long-delayed crossover remake of Diff’rent Strokes and The A-Team, with Gary Coleman in full Mr. T costume – “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Fool?!”

2. Gary Unmarried (CBS) – Am I mad that Jay Mohr abandoned his comic relief post on Ghost Whisperer? Sure. Am I willing to overlook that slight if this lets him live up to his comic potential? Certainly. I just worry that no show will ever allow him the freedom to be the hilarious a-hole that he was in Action (available on DVD) with his mentor, Buddy Hackett. At any rate, THIS show focuses on Gary as he deals with trying to balance his old life (his ex-wife and two kids from a 15-year marriage) and his new girlfriend. Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s basically New Adventures of Old Christine if the lead was male, add one child. I’m counting on Mohr to spice that up – plus, I’ve had a little crush on Paula Marshall (who plays Gary's ex) since the original version of Cupid hit TV in ‘98…
(*Side note – you do know that Rob Thomas, the genius behind Veronica Mars, is revamping Cupid as a midseason show, right? No, Jeremy Piven will not be back to reprise the title role, but did I mention Rob Thomas?! Fan-frakkin’-tastic news – that might even tide us over ‘til the Veronica Mars movie…)

3. Do Not Disturb (Fox) – I’m just saying that this show is new – I’m NOT endorsing it. Granted, all I saw was a leaked pre-season pilot, but it was B-A-D spells lousy. Ritzy hotel with skinny model-types at the front desk in uncomfortable-yet-sexy attire and high heels, while people in the support department downstairs want to work upstairs - yet might be too “large” to meet requirements. That ongoing battle creates hijinks, and supposedly, hilarity will ensue. Did I mention that Jerry O’Connell was in this wreck – he hasn’t picked an appropriate vehicle since he stepped through his last wormhole in Sliders, so if that says anything…

Old Standards

1. Bones (Fox) – I’m not a huge fan of procedurals, but the fact that I rush home to watch this show should speak volumes. Funny and dark, this show pairs the investigative talents of the FBI – specifically, agent Seeley Both (played by the phenomenal David Boreanaz) – with those of the “squints” at the Jeffersonian Institution in Washington D.C. – led by Dr. Temperance “Bones” Brennan (played by the lovely Emily Deschanel – yes, Zooey is her sister). Each week, a fairly gross set of bones is found, and the team sets about investigating – generally with a great deal of internal bickering, simmering sexual tension and outright slapstick comedy. And the fact that Boreanaz broke the mold of the dark-and-brooding vampire from his years playing Angel (on both Buffy and his eponymous spin-off) to portray this light-hearted, smiling character is a testament to his abilities, and to the show’s writers. The truth is, Bones has accumulated one of the finest ensemble casts in TV. Luck, coincidence, perfection – call it what you will. Just watch, though – things just seem to keep getting better…

2. Criminal Minds (CBS) – I know, I know – I said I don’t love procedurals, yet I’ve lumped two together in one section for one night. Sue me, I’m fickle! First off, don’t believe anything you read in USA Today – they’re infamous for bashing this show, saying that it’s too dark and violent. Well, for those of us who LIKE the darkness? Let’s not forget that it’s just entertainment, kids. Another fantastic cast, although not quite as amazing since swapping out Mandy Patinkin for Joe Mantegna as team leader. But the dynamics between the rest of the team (especially the silly and fun tech agent, Penelope Garcia) keep the foundational bonds strong. And tonight, we finally get the answer to who got blowed up in the season finale – they showed multiple agents getting into their SUVs, but no clear shot of which one was exploding. While I quietly hate them for making me wait, I NEED to know, dangit!

More soon, people – but for those of you who want a handy chart with premiere dates and fun links, go here.

The Best Of Fall TV - Part 1 (Monday Nights - Yes, Belated)

Fall TV actually started a couple of weeks ago, so why the delay? Well, networks seem to be unfurling their new schedules slowly, possibly due to the writers’ strike having stunted the progress of new shows. At any rate, they’re just tossing out a few new nuggets every week. So, are those nuggets gold or something that came out of Lassie’s posterior? I’ll try to clue you in during the next few weeks – but my Tivo has been smoking and rumbling with the amount of new stuff in the “To Do” list, so be patient!

This week in particular is a big one, so stick with me – I’m taking you onto the front lines:

1. Returning And New Monday Comedies On CBS – You can either try to give your funny bone more Calcium, or just tune into CBS tonight. I can promise that the 8-9pm hour of How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory is possibly the funniest 60 minutes of the week. (Alone, I think My Name Is Earl could probably still kick either of their butts. But together? I’m pretty sure Leonard would trip Earl while Barney taunted him while he was down.) Tonight, we get introduced to Worst Week – which is yet another British remake, and could go either way. The plot seems a bit thin – a groom-to-be makes a (repeatedly) bad impression on his future in-laws. But there have been worse ideas that have turned into great shows, so I’ll try it out – plus, Week features Red Forman (Kurtwood Smith) from That 70’s Show. Who knows?
(Some might question my omission of Two And A Half Men. I’ve never gotten around to watching it, and I simply don’t have time to get hooked on any more TV. ‘Nuff Said.)

2. Monday Is Heroes Night On NBC – Three. Hours. Of. Heroes. Wow. So what’s going on tonight? Well, the first hour is a catch-up clip show. You can’t have a huge conspiracy/
superhero/serialized drama without the ability to catch new viewers up before your new story arc starts - that would just be silly. Will they gloss over the fact that season 2 of the hit drama found them losing viewers because they kinda went off the track, storywise? Will they play down the idea that the strike ending that story might have been the best thing that could have happened? Most definitely on both counts. But that just gave the writers/creators time to sift through fan feedback and retool.
So whats’s up for new stuff? Well, the fact that the name of the new arc is “Villains” should clue you into some of it. At the end of last year’s finale, we saw Sylar regaining power, so you can bet your sweet patootie he’s involved. And there looks to be a slew of big bads we haven’t seen yet.
And Dark Claire. Yeah, they’ve been doing the promo shots implying that the former cheerleader will end up as one of the baddies. But with Peter’s/Hiro’s ability to time travel, we’ve seen that all futures are not destined to be – so we’ll wait impatiently and see. At it’s best, this show had the ability to do what an old Buffy episode did for me on a weekly basis – it left you with a “What the f…?” moment that made you both hate the writers for making you wait until the following week for an answer and simultaneously love them for making you invested enough to need to know. I’m hoping for another season like THAT.

3. Terminator-y Goodness On Fox – (*WARNING - Spoilers ahead*) I know I’ve already talked up The Sarah Connor Chronicles, but it needs to be said again. It’s fun. It’s pretty. It’s pretty fun. Seriously though, the opening montage to the first episode of the second season (yes, it started on the 8th, so sue me) alone is why the show is worth watching. There was no dialogue, only music (the incomparable talent of Shirley Manson of Garbage – who also happens to play the new uber-villain – doing a remake of “Samson & Delilah”). Yet, during that opening sequence, we wrap up the cliffhanger from last season with Cameron walking out of the blown-up Jeep while Sarah and John escape their bonds and defeat their captor. Sounds peachy, right? Did I mention that Cameron accidentally started a house fire on her way in (which threatens to burn our heroes alive), and that she tries to kill John when her damaged processing chip orders her to “Terminate”? Things are never simple for this crew.
And Shirley Manson’s villainous move at the end of the episode? Morphing from a urinal to reveal that she’s a T-1000 style Terminator? Besides bringing a whole new meaning to Porta-Potty, it tells me that this second season has a few new tricks in its bag. (And even more impressive would be how the geeky Brian Austin Green from Beverly Hills 90210 has transformed into grizzled freedom fighter Derek Reese – and has actually been believable.)

That’s all the tidbits for now – there will be more updates from here on, and even more Monday night stuff. Just hold on ‘til then, kids…

What’s New On Tube? – Pilot Season ’08-’09 (Part 2)

Okay, what else we got? These are the last of my picks …

3. The Cleveland Show (Fox – Spring 2009) – Okay, what’s Family Guy going to do without Cleveland? I guess the real question is, what will Cleveland be doing? I’m glad you asked. Now that his wife Loretta is out of the picture, Mr. Brown seems poised to move back to his hometown in Stool Bend, VA with Cleveland Jr. in this spin-off. It looks like he’s starting a new life with his high school sweetheart and her two kids - but will there be more tomfoolery, pop culture skewering and freakish flashbacks a la Family Guy? And maybe a family of bears living next door? You bet your sweet patootie! For an early promo clip, go here.

4. My Own Worst Enemy (NBC – Fall 2008) – It’s categorized as a drama, but this could just as easily be the description for a sitcom: a suburban working dad and an efficient and deadly spy learn that they are the same person, due to a scorching case of multiple personality disorder. Jinkies! Being plugged into a Monday schedule with Chuck and Heroes as its compatriots, I’m assuming that there will be a good deal of tongue-in-cheek as well. And having Christian Slater in the starring role doesn’t hurt for exposure…

5. The Eleventh Hour (CBS – Fall 2008) – Another British remake (you know my mixed feelings about the upcoming Life On Mars remake), this time helmed by the king of CSI (and a slew of cheesy action movies – let’s not forget Armageddon here, folks), Jerry Bruckheimer. The premise: a special science adviser to the U.S. government is sent to save people from the worst abuses of science, with the aid of his spunky female sidekick! Much like my premonitions of the Mars remake, they need to tread carefully or take a bad turn into Hokey-ville. But with CSI as a lead-in, it has a better chance of survival than many.

Worth Mentioning:

90210 (CW – Fall 2008) – Yes, a spin-off of the cult primetime soap. I was more excited while Rob Thomas (Veronica Mars, not Matchbox 20) was attached, but with Freaks & Geeks producers on board, maybe it’ll still be okay. Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling are on board, with more original cast members looking to sign up.

Knight Rider (NBC – Fall 2008) – Is this really worth mentioning? Not entirely sure, but the TV movie did so well last year that it warranted a new series. Everything old is new again – but will The Hoff be able to take time away from his German tour to help out?

Kath & Kim (NBC – Fall 2008) – A sitcom featuring Molly Shannon & Selma Blair.

The Goode Family (ABC – Late Fall 2008) – Mike Judge (Beavis & Butthead, Office Space, King of the Hill) brings us the animated tale of this do-gooder family. Their attempts to “Go green!” and do the right thing end up in hilarious misadventures – or so the description says. Sounds good, but outside of Fox primetime cartoons don’t tend to survive for too long - remember Father of the Pride or God, The Devil and Bob? I didn’t think so…).

See you in a couple of days for a Friday The 13th soundtrack...

What's New On Tube? - Pilot Season '08-'09 (Part 1)

Pilot season! Duck Season! Whatever it is, it’s time to start making some new TV for the fall – and pickings are slim, kids. The writers’ strike stalled production on scripts for fall pilots, so the networks only had a handful of projects to choose from. Of those, they picked the safety route – big names at the helm or very recognizable actors were key. Here’s a sampling of what’s to come, starting in the fall and spring of the ’08-’09 season:

1. Dollhouse (Fox – Early 2009) – So Joss Whedon and Eliza Dushku walk into a restaurant… Yes, this project started out like the beginning to some bad joke – Whedon (the man who brought us Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly) and Dushku (who played bad-girl Faith in both Buffy and Angel) went out for lunch and ended up with both a show idea and its leading lady. Check, please!
The Dollhouse is a top-secret facility where Echo (Dushku) is one of the “Actives” – people who are blank slates, constantly reprogrammed with new memories for their missions. Since these missions benefit the whims of the uber-rich, an Active could be someone’s escort one week while being an assassin the next. But problems arise when Echo begins to retain memories from previous missions – life as a secret agent marionette just can’t be simple, can it?
The show also features genre vets Amy Acker (Angel) and Tahmoh Penikett (Battlestar Galactica) as other players in the Dollhouse, as well as producers from previous Whedon projects – so this show is turning into quite the powerhouse. But with Fox’s previous (mis)treatment of Whedon vehicles, fans are already petitioning the network to save the show from cancellation – I’d say that might be going overboard, but I was pissed when Firefly got canned, too!

2. Fringe (Fox – Fall 2008) – Another big-name project, this time from J.J. Abrams (Lost, Alias). We follow two FBI agents, Olivia Dunham (relative newcomer Anna Tory, The Secret Life Of Us) and Peter Bishop (Dawson Creek's Joshua Jackson), as they explore the spread of unexplained phenomenon - of the dangerous variety, of course!
Hmmm – two FBI agents checking out spooky happenings in “fringe science” from astral projection to reanimation… Didn’t Fox start out with a show like that? Mulder and Scully ring any bells? Still, the show has a good premise and is in excellent hands. Plus, Fox hasn’t ALWAYS been so horrible to new shows –maybe they can use the same energy and cojones they use for picking exciting new shows and direct that towards actually maintaining and promoting Fringe and Dollhouse. I have a comment ready about unicorns flying out of my butt in mind, but I’m trying to remain optimistic here.

That's all for now, to be continued next time - when we'll preview something from Jerry Bruckheimer and a Family Guy spinoff. See you then…

Fall TV Schedule: Who Gets To Stay? (Part 2)

Since some of these shows would never have had a chance during a normal season, we have a few reasons not to yell obscenities about the writers’ strike any more. The fact that a couple of the shows on this list alone are from mid-season squatters is extraordinary. Well, let’s get on with it:

Same As It Ever Was (Renewals, Part 2) – The Dramas

1. Pushing Daisies (ABC) – What would you do with the power to bring someone back from the dead? Yes, there could be some creepy answers to that question as it is, but did I mention the catches to that “gift”? The universe doesn’t like to give stuff like that away for free, so if you want to keep someone alive for longer than a minute, someone else nearby has to die. Oh, and if you ever touch the previously deceased again, they’re gone for good.
This is the central premise of Daisies, and the man with the magic in this modern fairy tale is Ned (Lee Pace, Wonderfalls). Poor Ned, it seems, discovered his cursed gift at an early age after his mother accidentally died and he, just as accidentally, brought her back. Not knowing what he had done, nor the consequences, his neighbor dropped dead at the minute marker – which would have been bad enough until he tried to hug Mommy, and well…bad things. So, does he end up in the loony bin? No, he decides to become a piemaker and solve crimes in his spare time. Duh.
In the wrong hands this story could be a downer, but since the series is brought to us by Bryan Fuller (the comedic sci-fi genius behind Dead Like Me and Wonderfalls), we get a technicolor romantic fantasy that only jokingly hints at the macabre. Throw in lovely leading lady Chuck (Ned’s true love, recently undead thanks to his intervention, played by Anna Friel), pint-sized spitfire Olive, Emerson Cod, the private dick who is the sleuthing Bert to Ned’s Ernie (played by an uncharacteristically comedic Chi McBride - Boston Public, House) and occasional guest stints by the likes of Paul Reubens (Pee-Wee Herman) and Molly Shannon (SNL)… Near perfection. If they can maintain the quality we’ve barely glimpsed, we’re in for a treat.

2. Chuck (NBC) – Again, a dramedy – I guess that’s my thing lately. This time, switch magic powers with a computer-enhanced brain and there you have it. Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi, Less Than Perfect) has a dead-end job as computer tech at the local Buy More (think Best Buy in the fictional realm) – but things get interesting when an old college buddy sends him an e-mail that downloads a top-secret government database into his brain. I hate it when that happens!
And of course, every government agency wants the info in Chuck’s head – but no one can agree on who should be in control. So the NSA sends Casey (Adam Baldwin, Firefly) to keep tabs, while the CIA sends Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski), who poses as Chuck’s girlfriend and acts as his protector. Add the confused romantic intentions of the geek with the million-dollar brain and we’ve got Three’s-Company-worthy misunderstandings. Overall, a great mix of slapstick comedy with crazy action sequences.

3. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox) – Normally, movie spin-offs in TV form don’t live up to the original goods: Highlander, The Crow, Weird Science and, dare I mention it, Freddy’s Nightmares all come to mind. But despite the prominent placement of a 90210 alum (Brian Austin Green) as John Connor’s uncle, and also overlooking the fact that this was a midseason drop-off - the show is actually... good.
Set after the events in Terminator 2, we get a different version of what could have happened to the timeline. The show follows Sarah (Lena Headey, whose take on the role mirrors the intensity of Linda Hamilton) and John Connor (Thomas Dekker, fresh off Heroes, plays this future leader of the resistance against the evil Skynet) as they try once again to avert a possible robotic apocalypse. This time, their Terminator buddy is Cameron (the wonderful Summer Glau, Firefly), who looks like a cute high school girl but can still punch through a brick wall. Obviously, there are some not-so-nice robots out to kill our heroes – the show’s not “Sarah Connor’s Tea Party” after all – and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

4. Eli Stone (ABC) – A brain tumor gave Eli (a high-powered defense attorney) the power to see the future – or did it just make him crazy? You see, his Dad (Tom Cavanaugh from Ed, Scrubs) had the same condition and everyone thought he was nuts - talk about bad genetics, huh? The visions Eli has often remind me of an old Ally McBeal fantasy – oddly comedic and inappropriately timed. So what does he see in these omens? Most don’t make sense at first, until the story unfolds. And many are focused on George Michael (yes, the ex-Wham singer), who belts out the future via song… Huh, maybe Eli is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
These portents seemed cute at first, but the plot device quickly wore thin – which was something the writers must have realized when they reined it in midway through the first season. When the plot started to become more grounded in real world character interaction, we got a glimpse at the talents of the supporting cast: from Eli’s ex-fiancee Taylor (Natasha Henstridge - Species) to Jordan Wethersby, the head of the firm (Victor Garber – Alias) to naïve newbie lawyer Maggie (Julie Gonzalo – Veronica Mars) to Eli’s secretary Patti (Loretta Devine – Boston Public), we see that there is certainly no need for overused plot devices. Such phenomenal casting for another midseason show was a coup, but to get a renewal slip – well deserved…

5. Life (NBC) – As a cop who just got released from being falsely imprisoned for the past few years, what’s the first thing on your mind? Keep in mind that you just got a huge cash settlement for the “misunderstanding”, so you could do pretty much whatever you want. Yeah, he’s got the sex thing covered – and you’ve got a dirty mind. Naughty. But revenge was the answer I was looking for.
Charlie Crews is the cop in question, and he’s back on the job – yes, he went back to work as a policeman, despite the millions and the mansion and the ladies. Crazy? Sure, but how sane would you be after your stretch for murder? And daily interaction with the very people who turned their backs on Charlie – that’s just good TV, kids.
This could seem contrived in the hands of lesser actors, but the cast pulls it off well. Charlie (Damian Lewis) adopts a zen attitude toward police work, which can come off as flippant and drives his new partner Dani (Sarah Shahi) crazy. But that doesn’t stop him from being the man you’re rooting for as he saves the day. The real beauty of this show is that it doesn’t get horribly bogged down in the overall mythology. Sure, they spend a decent amount of time unraveling the mystery behind Charlie’s conviction – but Life could easily stand alone as a weekly procedural with a smarmy lead detective. Jump on in the fall for a look…

Next Time: What pilot shows are worth checking out in the fall?

(And, for the last time, the full fall schedule is here. Next time you're on your own;)

Fall TV Schedule: Who Gets To Stay? (Part 1)

Okay, we’re done dwelling on the shows we’ve laid to rest – on to the ones that actually got pardons from the governor, the renewals! As I previously mentioned, the writers’ strike forced the networks to throw down a safety net when deciding the fall schedule, so some freshman shows that hadn’t had enough time to prove themselves got a chance for a new start next year. Even a few of the mid-season replacements got to stay around and play in the big leagues next year – so as long as the actors don’t go on strike next (watch for news on the SAG/AFTRA contract negotiations), we may have a pretty decent TV season…

Same As It Ever Was (Renewals, Part 1) – The Comedies

1. Reaper (CW) – Hooray – it’s a win for the good guys! I talked up this (former) bubble show a while ago, and it made it! Some say that the CW is anticipating the hole in their schedule which will be left after Smallville wraps next year, needing a suitable genre show to pair up with Supernatural. Whatever the reason, it’s giving this incredible show a second chance to find an audience. (And yes, I realize that this show could just as easily have been classified as a drama – but the fact that it more-often-than-not makes me laugh my ass off lands it in this category…)

2. How I Met Your Mother (CBS) – This show is always at the top of its game, and consistently underrated. It’s a simple story, and the title says it all – it centers on Ted, the “father” of the story, who narrates the (insane/implausible/perfectly sitcomish) story to his children. Yet, every year there is a question about whether or not Mother will return, and there is no need – Neil Patrick Harris’ turn as Barney (the loveable a-hole of the bunch) alone leaves the show high above its competitors. Add the talent of fellow cast members like Jason Segal (Judd Apatow approved!) and Alyson Hannigan (Buffy, American Pie), and you have one of the finest comedy ensembles around - it is absolutely awe… wait for it… some!

3. Samantha Who? (ABC) – It’s funny when you see actors/actresses who started out in sitcoms as teens in the eighties trying new roles as adults. Justine Bateman, for example, proved how “stiff” and “monosyllabic” are not good acting styles to try out upon your return (see her recent guest stints on Men In Trees and Desperate Housewives for proof). That’s why it’s nice to see someone like Christina Applegate do so well – equal parts charm and cuteness make her turn as Samantha come alive. Ms. Who apparently was a ruthless rhymes-with-witch who is suffering from amnesia and now strives towards a better life – a plot device that could wear thin in the hands of lesser players. But with co-stars like Jennifer Esposito (Spin City, Rescue Me) and Melissa McCarthy (Sookie from Gilmore Girls), the show doesn’t suffer any symptoms of lame sitcomitis.

4. Big Bang Theory (CBS) – What happens when two ridiculously intelligent yet socially challenged roommates get a super hot neighbor? That underlying premise of this frosh comedy leads to a variety of standard sitcom misunderstandings and shenanigans – but it has evolved into something much bigger than that. The phenomenal casting of the four best friends allows a perfect window into geek culture (and trust me, I’m an expert witness on that) – from Leonard (the ringleader, played by Johnny Galecki from Roseanne, My Boys) to Sheldon (the hyper-logical straight man of this comedy troupe, played by the Emmy-deserving Jim Parsons) to Howard (the creepy sex-starved guy-who-still-lives-with-mom) to Raj (the token Indian character who’s so shy that he completely loses the ability to speak in front of women), they work wonderfully together. Add Penny, the love interest and only socially competent member of the group – that’s good Squishee, my friends. And the beauty of the show is that it doesn’t dumb down the dialogue for the masses – if there’s a physics joke, chances are that it’s scientifically accurate. That’s what made Isaac Asimov’s daughter (Robyn) give Bang her seal of approval, which must be what it would be like if Ryan Seacrest gave The L Word his thumbs up… What?… He’s not gay?… Huh – the joke stands.

5. Scrubs (ABC) – Yes, this appeared on the canceled list, too. But the fact that this always-funny show gets to finish its run in style with a full final season means that it finally gets the recognition it deserves. Too bad NBC were such morons that they couldn’t recognize what they had…

Next up: Renewed Dramas – see you soon!

(And again, the full fall lineup is here.)