Ronnie James Dio was NOT taken down by stomach cancer. Here's how I know:
Dio was the only one with the iron sac to take the vocal reins of Black Sabbath after Ozzy departed. The rumors that Mr. Osbourne only left Sabbath because of a "mystical bitchslap" laid down by RJD's personal wizard only makes it more impressive.
Not only did he popularize the infamous "devil horns" hand gesture that is a heavy metal staple, he also beat the devil's ass and told him that he was taking HIS horns away. That's how he rolled.
RJD consorted with witches, slew dragons and fought off hordes of demons with little more than his own voice...and possibly a giant sword. Don't believe me? Check out this video, and you may change your mind:
That's how I know it couldn't have been stomach cancer, an evil that couldn't be fought on the fields of battle. He deserved to go out in a glorious fight, making the landscape quake with his thundering voice before meeting his equals in Valhalla. And that's the end I choose to remember...
R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio (1942-2010). You will be remembered well.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
It's True Kids...Daddy's Been Moonlighting For Zombies
You may have heard rumors that I've been writing for some crazy zombie web site. I'm here to tell you...that it's true. I know, you're wondering why I would stop fighting the hordes of the undead and start creating fluff pieces to promote them.
Rest easy kids - it's called "deep cover".
I've set myself up as a zombiephile with the handle of "Surfin' Dead" on the Zombie Zone News web site. I've even written my first piece about the Top 10 Zombie Comics To Rot Your Brain. They've begun to trust me.
And that's how we'll win. Pretty soon, I'll have the locations for all their undead tea parties or curling matches or...y'know, whatever evil things these revenant bastards like to do. And then...kablooie! No more nasty yellow teeth trying to gnaw on your giblets!
Don't worry, I'll be back soon with more craziness on Juano's Addiction. I might even tell you about all the crazy dreams I've been having...
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