Sink Your Rotting Teeth Into Toronto's Zombie Short Film Festival

Remember when zombies weren’t in vogue, and those of us who loved (and rightfully feared) them were considered a bunch of freaks? Luckily, if they were any more fashionable now they’d be wearing Jimmy Choos as they ripped into your melon to scoop out the juicy brains. MMMM…brains!

To celebrate the undead in style, our neighbors to the North (no, not Vermont you morons – Canada! Now pay attention!) have organized the first (hopefully annual) Zombie Short Film Festival at the Revue Cinema in Toronto, Ontario. So on October 30th, moviegoers from around the world can flock to see brains and viscera and gore…oh my!

The deadline for submissions was October 1st, so any enterprising filmmakers who hadn’t already shipped out their gory best will have to wait until next year to enter. From this year’s myriad of entries, the Zombie Fest crew (led by co-founders Jim Taylor and Cory Laffin) has already whittled the list down to the top 10, which is what will be screened for the lucky audience on the night of the event.

What kind of wacky revenant hijinks can we expect, you ask? Well, from what I’ve seen so far, we can expect a bit of CGI animation, a dash of homeless heroics and a smattering of…zombie on Barbie violence (yeah, you read that right!). You say you want to take a peek? Beware, here are some delightfully demented examples:

So, you'd like to see some silly zombie home movies? Check out The Lonely Squirrel (by Ronni Raygun Thomas) here.

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Or how about a glimpse into how a bum may be humanity's best hope for survival in Bum of the Dead (by Geoff Whitman and crew):

Bum of the Dead from Geoff Whitman on Vimeo.

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What, your appetite's still not sated? Fine, how about checking out the tale of two Barbies in love during the zompocalypse in Housewarming (by Lee Marquardt) here.

And the fun doesn't stop there! Just imagine the gooey goodness that awaits you on the 30th. Check out the Zombie Short Film Festival web site for all the details (including the list of finalists) here. Just make sure your passport's ready to cross that border in a couple of weeks, folks - have a splatterific good time!

Links To The Grammy Winners

Again, you know how I feel about dredging through search results just to find the list of winners. Well, here are two of the lists of Grammy winners. The first (click here) is a complete listing, right down to best Zydeco album - but it doesn't list what the other nominees in each category were. The second list (click here) is the short list of popular categories, but it does include the other nominees.

Quick thoughts:

-Why the hell Robert Plant & Alison Krauss took so many awards eludes me as much as why people still care about the Grammys as a whole. "Please Read The Letter" seemed like little more than a repetitive deep cut when I first heard it, and it got more annoying with time.

-I was happy to see that Metallica won the Metal Performance category ("My Apocalypse"), but I almost wonder if they just give the award to them every year now after the whole Jethro Tull debacle in 1989.

-I would have liked to see Rob Zombie win the Hard Rock Performance award ("Lords of Salem"), but such is life.

- I was happily surprised to see Zappa Plays Zappa take the award for Rock Instrumental Performance ("Peaches En Regalia").

What's New On Tube - Winter 2009 - Part 2

Here are the rest of the midseason replacements, by date:

*Means Brand Spanking New Shows

Sunday, Jan. 25 & Monday, Jan. 26

The Last Templar (NBC) – A good, old-fashioned mini-series event! This one follows Manhattan archaeologist Tess Chaykin (Mira Sorvino) and FBI agent Sean Daley (Scott Foley) as they delve into the secret world of the medieval Knights Templar. The cast is rounded out by Victor Garber (Eli Stone, Alias) as a high-placed Vatican envoy, and Omar Shariff (Doctor Zhivago, Lawrence of Arabia) as a Greek savant who comes to the rescue of Tess and Sean after a shipwreck. Does the whole thing sound a bit Da Vinci Code to you? That may be, but it’s a helluva cast and I’m a TV whore – come watch with me, won’t you?…

Monday, Feb. 2

Medium (NBC) – Ah, familiarity. Every year, NBC has thought about scrapping this gem and replacing it. This year, they tried out My Own Worst Enemy in its time slot, and we saw how well that worked. This is a fun drama about family life and… oh yeah, Patricia Arquette plays a psychic who works for the D.A. solving crimes. And her daughters are coming into the family business, getting psychic flashes in their dreams. I’ve got a vision myself – NBC…won’t be…so stupid...about trying to ditch this show anymore. Yay!

Wednesday, Feb. 11

Important Things with Demetri Martin (Comedy Central) – If you haven’t checked out this comedian yet, his stand-up special “Person” (on DVD) is a good crash course. It should give you a glimpse into Martin’s world of straight-faced comedic delivery (the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the great Steven Wright), music and art. Or you may recognize him as a correspondant on The Daily Show, with his Trendspotting segment. Either way, this new show should be a Chappelle Show-esque blending of stand-up routines and pre-recorded skits. Somehow, though, I doubt the phrase “I’m Demetri Martin, bitch!” will ever be uttered…

Friday, Feb. 13

*Dollhouse (Fox) – Joss Whedon. Eliza Dushku. For most of us geeks, those two reasons are more than enough. But there was a bit of work stoppage on production to retool some scripts, and suddenly everyone’s a naysayer. And the Friday nights on Fox timeslot certainly brings back bad memories of Firefly’s early demise, especially premiering on a Friday the 13th. But how ‘bout we give the show a chance before we assume it’s already canceled, hmmm? The Dollhouse is a secret organization that rents out operatives whose minds have been wiped clean so that they could be imprinted with whatever personality the mission requires. And you will watch and tell Fox that you love it. Just do it – so sayeth Joss. Amen!

Terminator (Fox) – Okay, this isn’t a mid-season show, but it is a new night – to pair it with the more suitable sci-fi themed Dollhouse.

Monday, March 9

*Castle (ABC) – The incomparable Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Drive) plays lead character Richard Castle, a successful murder-mystery writer. He is called in to help NYPD homicide when a killer starts copying murders described in Castle’s books.

Sunday, March 15

*Kings (NBC) – Ian McShane (Deadwood) stars in this modern re-imagining of the biblical story of King David. Here, David Shepherd (Christopher Egan) is a soldier who rescues the king’s son from enemy territory, setting events in motion to eventually bring peace. David becomes something of a celebrity, gaining the attention of many a young lady’s eye (including, of course, the king’s daughter). He gets swept up into this world of politics, hero-worship and questioned loyalties, wondering if he’s the man everyone wants him to be.

Tuesday, March 17

Reaper (CW) – Okay, everyone knows I’m cuckoo for this show, but seriously people – WATCH REAPER! It’s one of the most funny, original shows in years, and the cast works phenomenally well together. And check this out – it premieres on St. Paddy’s day! So even if you go to bed drunk and wake up in the morning with a little Reaper on your Tivo, no one has to know. And for those of you who have been watching, the second season is a short 13 episodes long, - so what do we have to look forward to? Well, hopefully we’ll find out how Sam’s dad survived the getting-buried-alive thing. And we’ll find out if Sam is actually the Devil’s bouncing baby boy. Oh, and we’ll be introduced to Morgan – who is DEFINITELY a spawn of you-know-who. Oh, and there will be enough viewers to ensure a season 3 – nudge-nudge, wink-wink…

Tuesday, March 24

*Cupid (ABC) – 10 years ago, Rob Thomas (creator of Veronica Mars) had an amazingly cute and quirky show featuring a little-known actor by the name of Jeremy Piven as Trevor Hale. Hale’s problem was the delusion that he was actually Cupid, sent to Earth in mortal form with the task of matching 100 couples without the aid of magic. The show used a weekly therapy session (with the lovely Paula Marshall as his shrink) to tackle his supposed problem. The underlying question, though, (which never got answered due to the series’ early cancellation) was whether or not he actually WAS Cupid. In 2009, Rob Thomas gets a mulligan, launching version 2.0 with Bobby Cannavale assuming the title role - and hopefully he’ll get more closure than Mr. Piven did…

Wednesday, April 8

*The Unusuals (ABC) – A funny cop show produced by Dennis Leary… is it the sequel to The Job? No? Well, if it’s half as funny, it’ll be worth a watch. Detective Casey Schraeger (Joan of Arcadia’s Amber Tamblyn) gets moved from vice to homicide because she’s an honest cop who could be trusted. But when everyone on the new squad has their own wacky secrets, hijinks ensue. Harold Perrineau (Michael from Lost) plays another member of this police farce...

Thursday, April 9

*Harper's Island (CBS) – They’re billing it as “A 13-episode mystery event!” It follows the adventures of a wedding party on an isolated island outside Seattle – an island that just happened to have a string of unsolved murders seven years prior. Now they try to survive while the killer’s back to his old tricks – I’m guessing about a murder a week. That’s why I’m having MY wedding at the beautiful Crystal Lake Resort. Yikes…

March (No firm release date yet)

*The Penguins of Madagascar (Nickelodeon) – I haven’t seen the 2nd Madagascar film yet, but if asked what the best part of the first flick was? Definitely the homicidal mercenary antics of the penguins. Will giving them their own show be too much of a good thing? Let’s hope their mischievous ways continue to keep us laughing.

That's all for now - check back soon for more useless knowledge!

What's New On Tube - Winter 2009 - Part 1

Hey kids - here's the January releases for new TV by date:

*Means Brand Spanking New Shows

Already Started

*Leverage (TNT) – I’ve gotta say, TNT is really coming into its own with the original dramas. This one is the story of Nate Ford (Timothy Hutton), a man who lived on the right side of the law for so long that he eventually got screwed. Now, he does good things with bad people – a team comprised of a thief, a tech geek, a grifter and… someone who excels at beating the crap out of people. Ford finds jobs where people have been swindled, and the crew find innovative ways to get back what’s been taken from them. The parallels to Robin Hood are obvious, but the blend of humor and wit make this one of TV’s best new shows.

Monday, Jan. 5

Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family) – So, you’re wondering what Molly Ringwald has been up to since the ‘80s? Or maybe what John Schneider has been doing since they killed him off of Smallville? You can find them both in this show, I can tell you that much. This is the “Holy crap, I only had sex once, how-the-hell-am-I-pregnant?!” teen drama, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention.

Tuesday, Jan. 6

Scrubs (ABC) – For those of you paying attention, yes it’s on ABC not NBC. Courtney Cox leads the guest star parade as she takes Bob Kelso’s old job. And it already looks like ABC’s giving this show better treatment than NBC did – they’re actually airing commercials. Wacky!

Nip/Tuck (FX) – What are those nutty plastic surgeons up to these days? I’m betting there’s a lot of blood, shocking sex and spider monkeys involved, that’s for sure. What, no spider monkeys? And I was all set to start watching again, thanks for ruining it for me…

Wednesday, Jan. 7

Damages (FX) – Glenn Close plays a tough lawyer willing to do nearly anything to win a case (do we remember the poochicide, anyone?). She’s finished kicking Ted Danson’s ass, so I wonder who’s up next?

Friday, Jan. 9

Flashpoint (CBS) – I don’t know what’s more unbelievable – that this bland, generic cop drama made it to season two after being a summer fill-in last year, or that TV still hasn’t found a decent post-Veronica Mars vehicle for Enrico Colantoni (Papa Mars himself). Someone must like it, though…

Monk (USA) – Tony Shalhoub’s OCD detecive returns for the tail end of season 7. Enjoy the show while you can – the eighth and final season kicks off its run next summer. While this show has never been at the top of my list, it has remained consistently funny and entertaining. Hopefully in the final batch, they will let Monk solve Trudy’s murder mystery…

Psych (USA) – Following the adventures of Shawn and Gus of the Psych detective agency (Shawn has a photographic memory and hyper-attentive detection skills, making him a great fake psychic) as they solve cases with the police, people have criticized this show for becoming too silly. As I recall, the show bordered on slapstick from the beginning, and if you’re getting laughs keep it up. (Oddly, Shawn has no relation to Patrick Jane on The Mentalist…

Sunday, Jan. 11

24 (Fox) – Oh YEAH! Jack Bauer’s back to kick some terrorist booty in this first night in the 2-day (Monday night is it’s normal home), 4-hour premiere event. In the seventh 24-hour catastrophe in Jack’s world you’ve got to wonder what kind of bad luck he’s got – and if he ever sleeps. (I’m pretty sure this time it’s an Iraqi plot to destroy America with Radioactive Hamsters – without black belts…)

Monday, Jan. 12

Kyle XY (ABC Family) – The further adventure of the boy with no belly button! With Amanda kidnapped after the prom, how will Kyle rescue her from the villainous Latnok group? I guess we’ll have to find out together. And if you haven’t checked out this sci-fi/adventure/ family show because you’re wary of ABC Family’s ability to create original programming, I’m giving this one a huge seal of approval.

Thursday, Jan. 15

*The Beast (A & E) – Fresh out of his recovery from treatment for pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze stars as FBI agent Charles Baker. His offbeat tactics have made him a target for I.A., but that doesn’t stop him from training new partner Ellis Dove (Travis Fimmel, of the short-lived Tarzan on the WB).

Friday, Jan. 16

Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi) – One of the finest hours of drama on TV (sci-fi or otherwise) begins its final batch. Producers promise a lot of revelations – and I’m guessing a liberal dosage of the word “frak” (my favorite fake swear-word since “Drokk” from Judge Dredd or “Gorram” from Firefly). This show’s innovative visuals and intricate storytelling will be greatly missed.

Friday Night Lights (NBC) – This show already aired its third season for those of you who have DirecTV, but for the rest of us we start now. And while a shortened season is better than none, I really hope that the loss of Jason Street and “Smash” Williams from series regulars doesn’t impair the team dynamic. From what I’ve heard, though, FNL is still at its best. And don’t despair if you’re not a football fan – most of the drama takes place off the field…

Wednesday, Jan. 21

*Lie to Me (Fox) – Tim Roth (Pulp Fiction, The Incredible Hulk) plays Dr. Cal Lightman, who is a human lie detector. He and his team of behavioral scientists are the Lightman group, and they know when you’re lying, Steve. Yes, you. They know what happened with that ostrich in eighth grade. Just let it out.

Lost (ABC) – Starting with the always-handy recap episode, we then get a two-hour season premiere full of flashbacks, flash-forwards and The Oceanic Six trying to get BACK TO the island. Life is always greener, eh? Prepare to be wowed while scratching your head and screaming “What the frak?!” a lot.

Thursday, Jan. 22

Burn Notice (USA) – Michael Weston (Jeffrey Donovan) received a “Burn Notice” – which, for spies, is essentially a pink slip, but with more identity erasure and shooting. If you haven’t been watching…start. Donovan plays smarmy incredibly well, and the rest of the cast play their parts equally perfectly - including the iconic Bruce Campbell as a freeloader with FBI contacts, the lovely Gabrielle Anwar as a tough gun runner (and Michael’s occasional romantic squeeze) and Sharon Gless as Michael’s wonderfully clichéd Miami mom. Watch…this…show!

Friday, Jan 23

*The Electric Company (PBS) – “Hey you guuuuuuys!” - guess what’s been revamped and is making a comeback? Loved this as a kid, so it’s got a lot to live up to for a new generation… except for the campy Spidey bits. They were always a bit disappointing – I mean, was he a mute? Slightly slow? Poor webhead looked like he needed a helmet…

Monday, Jan. 26

The Closer (TNT) – Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) and her gang are back in TNT’s flagship drama show. Between the cliffhanger from last season (fading to black while Detective Sanchez had been shot and Brenda was ordering him to breathe) and the new promos questioning whether or not Brenda and Fritz’s wedding will end with an “I do”, I can’t wait much longer. So let’s get this party started – thank you so muuuch!

*Trust Me (TNT) – The creators and exec producers of The Closer bring you this tale of the goings-on inside a Chicago advertising agency. Mason (Eric McCormack - Will & Grace) and Conner (Tom Cavanagh - Ed) are best friends – at least until Mason is promoted above Conner. A little brotherly competition never hurt anyone, though. What’s that? Cain and Abel? Oh, right…

For February releases (and beyond), check back soon!