1001 Reasons To Strangle The Talking Chin

I hate you Jay Leno.

Yes, it’s completely irrational. I mean, granted, I’ve never thought you were all that funny. In fact, you have actually annoyed me at your inability to make me laugh coupled with the fact that your chin looks like it was grown in a lab using steroids and ape DNA. But none of that has ever actually affected me until now.

So, what is it that you’ve done? Well, your shift to prime time TV next fall is a move into my friends’ neighborhood. Suddenly there are 5 less spots for my buddies to live, since you took up so much space. Chuck’s job at the Buy More barely covers rent, and do you think Morgan’s got any money to lend him? Or the DuBois family – Alison’s psychic abilities sure didn’t detect this kind of betrayal. Thanks a lot, pal – you couldn’t have just found a nice retirement home for late night hosts?!

Okay, realistically, I know it’s not Jay Leno’s fault. But he’s a good face to attach my anger to. After all, I don’t even know what Jeff Zucker (chief executive of NBC Universal) looks like, so I can’t even shake a fist in his general direction. What has Mr. Zucker done, you ask? Well, he’s the one who wooed Leno into the 10 p.m. time slot in a bid to both retain his audience and keep Jay himself from jumping boat to a competing network. It makes financial sense – a “Tonight Show v. 2.0” is a guarantee to hard-to-please advertisers, and it’s much cheaper to produce than a scripted drama. But when late night shows start bleeding into prime time, it begs the question – how many do we really need?

The even bigger quandary: what happens to the current scripted landscape? E.R. is taking its final bow this year, so at least that’s one less headache. And despite denials from Knight Rider’s show runners, I think we can safely start planning the funeral for that clunker as well. Plus, sadly, Life never got the push that it deserved, leaving Charlie Crews and Co. on the seriously endangered list as well. But the most surprising exit possibility would come from one of the “Must See TV” comedies. My Name Is Earl hits local syndication next year, and unless it gets cheaper to produce/license, it could be left on the chopping block with the atrocious Kath & Kim.

And NBC has already attempted some cost-cutting measures this season by sharing production costs of Friday Night Lights with DirecTV (and letting them air the episodes first), which staved off cancellation for one year. But unless DirecTV agrees to pick up even more of the tab next season, FNL might be a goner as well. Similarly, we’ve seen some of the 500 or so Law & Order titles migrating to the USA network (which, along with the SciFi Channel, is also owned by NBC Universal) to chop the budget, so another L & O move wouldn’t be shocking.

Which leaves shows like Chuck and Medium scrambling for any remaining slots. Mr. Zucker, if you’re reading this I’ll give you a hint: pick up Chuck. Vastly entertaining, wonderful cast, a blend of action and comedy that just WORKS. You gave it a chance picking it up for a full order before this season started – now just stick with that gut feeling. Promo the hell out of it, and let other people fall in love with this underrated gem. Start selling merchandise - hell, I'd chip in for a Chuck lunchbox, a Nerd Herd VW Matchbox car or some Intersect Underoos! I do love Medium, but I’m hoping that CBS (who produces the show) would pick it up on their own network (which they’ve threatened to do every year). I’d love to see both back, but that may mean I’d have to strangle the talking chin to free up some air time.

Damn you, Jay Leno!

If it would save Life too, I’d choke the monologue out of him right now. I bet I could get Conan O'Brien on-board for this plan...

The Best Of Fall TV - Part 3 (Thursday Nights)

So, how fun was that presidential address last night, huh? I got home expecting to see Criminal Minds, only to see W’s big dopey face talking about the wonderful shape our economy is in. Grrrr. Not much new to report for Thursdays until October 9th, but we do have a few favorites that are returning tonight. (And a couple that started last week on the CW…)

1. Supernatural (CW) – There just aren’t enough monster-driven shows anymore. I mean, sure, Lost has its fair share of scares, but even those are some kind of high-tech island security so it just doesn’t inspire the same kind of fear. But Supernatural? Besides the demons they fight on a weekly basis, who are always good for some good old-fashioned civilian disemboweling, we also get a rogues gallery of monsters from a variety of mythologies – from your usual baddies like vamps and ghosts to more odd fair, like the “Anti-Santa” that dragged its victims up through a chimney. Great creature-feature flair with a generous dose of humor makes this another show that I can’t wait to watch. And last week’s season opener certainly didn’t disappoint. (*Spoilers ahead) They didn’t drag out the whole “Oh, Dean’s been ripped apart by a Hellhound and dragged into the fiery pits” storyline – I mean, boo-hoo, right? No, they brought him right back – and in the opening sequence, we see Dean dragging his sorry butt out of his own grave. Quite the comeback. Of course, things can never be simple for the Winchester boys, so why would his resurrection come without strings attached? Let’s just say that Angels might not be the folklore the boys thought they were, and that this season might start a whole new path…

2. The Return of Funny On NBC: My Name Is Earl and The Office – Ah, Earl – I love you so. But last season, you left me to go to jail – and you dragged out that bit for waaaaay too long. Then you got out and married Alyssa Milano, who seemed like she was perfect for you! Hooray! But then she turned into a psycho and made things unpleasant once again. Boo! But by the end of the season, things got back on the rails, Earl was set to start working the karma list again, and goodness prevailed. So hopefully this season will make me renew my love – and what better way to start than with tonight’s double-shot. Two new episodes! Then The Office takes over, and I confess I have no idea what’s going on – I’m one of the few people who didn’t catch on from the start, so I’ve got years of back story to fill in, which seems daunting. But this thing has one of the funniest men alive, Steve Carell, along with a fantastic cast – so what are you waiting for, go watch it…

3. Ugly Betty (ABC) – Christie (13) from Ohmagosh, Michigan writes: “OMG – So, like, Betty totally had to choose between Gio and Henry at the end of last season. I mean, Gio is, like, completely dreamy, so it seems like a no-brainer – but she totally had that fairytale romance thing going with that nerd Henry, even though he knocked up that skanky ex-girlfriend of his! And Henry was all like “I’m down on one knee with a ring” and stuff, so, it has to be him, right blogman?”
Or not. Since Christopher Gorham (the actor who plays Henry) has signed on to Harper’s Ferry, a midseason show on CBS, I wouldn’t expect much in the long-term for a Betty-Henry pairing. And what about all those other loose ends from the finale? Was it going to be Wilhemina or Daniel running Mode? Was Tony Diaz going to stay with his wife or move on to Hilda? And wasn’t Christina still Wilhemina’s baby mama? Presumably, we’ll find out at least ONE of those answers tonight…

4. Smallville (CW) – (This show started last week as well) Yes, I’m still going to watch. Lex was supposed to be Clark’s bald-headed arch-nemesis for all time, and Michael Rosenbaum did a superb job playing the role (to the point where he just looked abnormal WITH hair, as seen in Sorority Boys). And Lana – okay, she was getting a bit melodramatic towards the end, right? I mean, even IN the coma? Still, the fact that both of these characters will only be in a handful of episodes from this season isn’t going to help the show – but adding Green Arrow as more of a regular should boost things a bit. Oh, and we’ll see more of the Young Justice League. And hopefully a lot more for Chloe and Jimmy, who have become the most fun part of the show. Now if they could only get the rights to introduce that young Bruce Wayne character – then, we’d be talkin’!

5. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX) – (Another show that started last week – but the plots are insane, you can pretty much just jump on whenever you want…)
Here’s a quick synopsis of the FX sitcom: Take the premise of Friends, and substitute the main characters with self-centered misanthropes. Now switch out the coffee house for a dive bar. Then get Monica and Ross hooked on crack, turn Chandler into Phoebe’s creepy stalker and have Joey bang Rachel’s Mom. What’s that retching noise – oh, you get the basic idea? I find that once you stop questioning whether or not you’re going to Hell every time you laugh out loud, it’s a lot easier to digest. The fact that the double-dose of goodness in last week’s premiere saw this band of freaks switching gears between possibly being cannibals and selling gas door-to-door as part of a get-rich-quick scheme just makes sense – if you’re insane enough to follow their logic. And once you can do that, you’ll laugh so hard that milk will come out your nose – even when you’re not drinking any. It’s THAT funny. But make no mistake – you are going to Hell for laughing. And I’ll be right there next to you, since this is one of my favorite shows…

That’s it for now – I’ll preview the other new Thursday shows soon. And again, for a premiere grid go here.