R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio

Ronnie James Dio was NOT taken down by stomach cancer. Here's how I know:

Dio was the only one with the iron sac to take the vocal reins of Black Sabbath after Ozzy departed. The rumors that Mr. Osbourne only left Sabbath because of a "mystical bitchslap" laid down by RJD's personal wizard only makes it more impressive.

Not only did he popularize the infamous "devil horns" hand gesture that is a heavy metal staple, he also beat the devil's ass and told him that he was taking HIS horns away. That's how he rolled.

RJD consorted with witches, slew dragons and fought off hordes of demons with little more than his own voice...and possibly a giant sword. Don't believe me? Check out this video, and you may change your mind:



That's how I know it couldn't have been stomach cancer, an evil that couldn't be fought on the fields of battle. He deserved to go out in a glorious fight, making the landscape quake with his thundering voice before meeting his equals in Valhalla. And that's the end I choose to remember...

R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio (1942-2010). You will be remembered well.

It's True Kids...Daddy's Been Moonlighting For Zombies

You may have heard rumors that I've been writing for some crazy zombie web site. I'm here to tell you...that it's true. I know, you're wondering why I would stop fighting the hordes of the undead and start creating fluff pieces to promote them.

Rest easy kids - it's called "deep cover".

I've set myself up as a zombiephile with the handle of "Surfin' Dead" on the Zombie Zone News web site. I've even written my first piece about the Top 10 Zombie Comics To Rot Your Brain. They've begun to trust me.

And that's how we'll win. Pretty soon, I'll have the locations for all their undead tea parties or curling matches or...y'know, whatever evil things these revenant bastards like to do. And then...kablooie! No more nasty yellow teeth trying to gnaw on your giblets!

Don't worry, I'll be back soon with more craziness on Juano's Addiction. I might even tell you about all the crazy dreams I've been having...

Big Night Out: The Hold Steady - Pearl Street - April 6

I’ve been listening to The Hold Steady for a few years now, and I always had a pretty clear picture in my head of what the singer would look like. Let me fill you in on how this came to be: the “I’ve been smoking cigarettes since I was in a crib” voice brought a bit of Tom Waits imagery, while the vibrant storytelling style made me think of a Bob Dylan/Bruce Springsteen hybrid. Add a dash of Johhny Rotten with all the allusions to partying and drugs in their lyrical landscape, and let your mental View-Master work out THAT rough-and-tumble fella.

So just imagine how blown my mind might have been when I first laid eyes on Craig Finn, the actual owner of that voice. The mashup we were looking for bore a closer resemblance to the possible love child of Elvis Costello and Pee Wee Herman. (And yes, I know how unlikely it seems that I had never seen a picture of the man on the intertubes, but I swear it’s true!) Preconceived notions and first impressions set aside, he’s one of the most visually enthralling leading men I’ve ever seen. With a shimmy and swagger dance style that brought him back and forth to the mic, he spit out the lyrics to some 23 songs during their 90 minute set.

And lest we forget, there was a whole band on stage with him…who went largely unintroduced over the course of the evening. So who are the Hold Steady players? Rounding out the rest of the original lineup, we have Tad Kubler on lead guitar, Galen Polivka on bass and Bobby Drake on drums. Joining them, we also saw fine additions in Dan Neustadt on keyboards (taking over for Franz Nicolay, who’s gone on to solo projects) and new guitarist Steve Selvidge (formerly of Lucero). Selvidge brings the guitar attack to a total of 2.5 (we can’t really count Craig Finn, considering his axe remains mainly ornamental, slung around his back for most of the set except for a few punctuating strums).

So, what can one expect for the highlights of a Hold Steady show? Well, you might very well see the rebirth of the great American rock’n’roll experience. The guitars are ferocious, both evoking a classic rock sound and creating a newly minted crunch of their own. And it’s not just background noise – there’s a craft to the six-string sound that makes you yearn for an old-fashioned spotlight solo. And when Kubler broke out a double-necked beauty during “Lord, I’m discouraged”…it’s almost like I was seeing Cheap Trick at Budokan (that’s a GOOD thing, for you young’ns). And for anyone who may have doubted that anyone could follow Franz’s keyboard work, Mr. Neustadt did just fine on “Stevie Nix”, adding his own nuances to a classic HS song. Making the evening even more intimate, Craig Finn stopped to tell us he had family in the audience, and that he’d been baptized in the beautiful (and sadly, now closed) St. Mary's church down the road. Overall, an extraordinary set, peppered with a handful of songs from the new disc (Heaven Is Whenever, due out May 4th). Thanks, guys - it was a great night out...

Set List

1. Hornets! Hornets!
2. Hurricane J (new)
3. The Swish
4. Magazines
5. The Weekenders (new)
6. Navy Sheets
7. Banging Camp
8. Massive Nights
9. Soft In The Center (new)
10. Chips Ahoy!
11. Constructive Summer
12. Multitude of Casualties
13. Rock Problems (new)
14. Lord, I’m Discouraged
15. You Can Make Him Like You
16. Stevie Nix
17. Hot Soft Light
18. Stuck Between Stations
19. Sequestered In Memphis
20. Slapped Actress

Encore Set

21. Barely Breathing (new)
22. Stay Positive
23. Your Little Hoodrat Friend

For more info on The Hold Steady, check out their web site. And if they're going to be in your area, GO SEE THEM!

Lefty's Brewing Company - Grand Opening This Weekend

“Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” – Benjamin Franklin

“Mmmmm…beer!” – Homer Simpson

Clearly, some of the greatest minds in the history of the world are in agreement that beer is both a great unifying force…and a good way of bringing us all to the same level once the tap starts flowing. Tomorrow, a new local brewery will unite us with its weekend-long grand opening celebration.

Lefty’s Brewing Company of Bernardston, MA has already opened its doors to the public, but this weekend’s extravaganza will allow us to taste some of their fine new craft brews. Each sample will be paired with an appetizer from a local bakery or restaurant. And really, beyond great beer and food, what more could you ask for?

Looking for more info? Check out the Lefty’s web site or go to their Facebook page. Most importantly, though, come check out their grand opening this weekend – the festivities will be going strong from 12-8pm both days…

First Ladies Of Rock

Much like everything else in the Juanoverse, we wouldn’t want to give you anything without the proper amount of procrastination attached. Letting my Women’s History Month piece simmer on the backburner ‘til the final moments of the final day might be overkill, you say? Touché. But I still wanted to give you a glimpse of some of the coolest ladies in the music biz, so cool your jets. And I’m not talking about a history lesson, trotting out the foremothers of rock. No Janis, no Aretha, no Patti. Of COURSE they were amazing. And granted, the Runaways movie may have been an inspiration for this list - but I wanted a list of women inspiring new generations to pick up a guitar and rock. And if some of these ladies rocked any harder, they might actually break through the fabric of this universe and into a new reality. So let’s jump in, kids…

1. The Donnas – Adopting the Donna moniker much like Joey and co. took on the Ramones name, these ladies have been known to rock a party and then steal all your beer. Luckily, you don’t mind being robbed and roofied by this crew – they leave you sonically satisfied like no others. Having cut their teeth learning Ace Frehley’s guitar licks and earning an advanced degree in punk and metal debauchery, The Donnas could teach you how to hotwire a car AND escape from the police. Valuable life lessons, people!
Recommended Listening: Spend The Night

2. Dresden Dolls/Amanda Palmer – A friend once described the Dresden Dolls’ live set by simply saying “They’re telepathic. Seriously.” When I finally got around to seeing the duo, I had to marvel at finding out he was right. Amanda and Brian (Viglione) could just give each other a sideways glance, no words, and effortlessly shift from song to song. Their sound is like the soundtrack to a fractured fairy tale transcribed by someone in an opium den – but it works. They call it “Brechtian Punk Cabaret”, and the fact that their painted faces are a cross between a crazed mime and a fractured porcelain doll – well, it just completes the package. These are two of the most enthralling live performers I have ever seen - and Palmer’s solo work is equally (wonderfully) deranged.
Recommended Listening: The Dresden Dolls and Ms. Palmer’s solo effort (produced by Ben Folds) Who Killed Amanda Palmer

3. The Stone Coyotes – For Barbara Keith (vocals/guitar), her band is her family – literally. With her husband (Doug Tibbles on drums) and her stepson (John Tibbles on bass) rounding out the trio, this is one hell of an impressive lineage. Keith crafted the oft-covered folk classic “The Bramble and the Rose” in her early career, and now we’re witnessing the creation of new rock treasures with every Coyotes album (nine to date, and counting). Those of us from Western Mass should consider ourselves lucky to have such phenomenal talent calling Greenfield their home.
Recommended Listening: Born To Howl

4. Lady Sovereign – Pint-sized poet. Midget MC. Shorty songstress. These are all terms I’d use if I wanted to get punched in the crotch by this ultra-feisty English rapper. She’s got all the attitude of Eminem and Dre, and equal amounts of talent under that hoody.
Recommended Listening: Public Warning

5. Distillers/Spinnerette (Brody Dalle) – So many snarling punk testaments to badassery were written in such a short career as The Distillers that it’s hard to believe they only released three albums. When they disappeared after dropping their major label debut (2003’s Coral Fang), that was it. But never fear, kids – Spinnerette rose from the ashes of The Distillers in 2007 (featuring Dalle and Distillers guitarist Tony Bradley (aka Tony Bevilacqua)), and is going strong. The growling and grunting has been tempered with a more accessible sound, but the ‘tude remains strong…
Recommended listening: The Distillers’ Sing Sing Death House and Spinnerette’s self-titled debut.

6. Aimee Allen – I was obsessed with this particular chanteuse for a while after she scored a title song for a short-lived TV series called Birds of Prey. But her album got squelched by the record company before she got any real accolades. Luckily, the tracks leaked into the interwebs…which is when most of us REALLY fell in love with her. At a time when Evanescence was using industrial techno as a backdrop for depressing faux goth, Aimee was using it to accentuate her sultry powerhouse vocals. The star potential was obvious – music with utterly danceable hooks, screaming guitar and a decidedly “Explicit Lyrics” stamp of approval. Later releases featured revamped versions of some of the songs, but that raw power was never recaptured.
Recommended Listening: I’d Start A Revolution (If I Could Get Up In The Morning) is the original, unreleased disc. You can still find it floating around on the web if you know your way around a search engine – it’s worth the effort…

7. Bif Naked - This Canadian singer has most of what I’m looking for in a bad girl: Lots of ink, an incredible set of pipes and a fine balance of FU attitude and wide-eyed wonder. And of course, having a gig at Buffy’s legendary faux night club (The Bronze) helped her gain a special place in my heart. A most impressive recent fact about Bif: she kicked the crap out of cancer and came back with a new album called The Promise. The title refers to the pledge she made to her fans while in the middle of her chemo – that she would be back to kick more ass than ever. It just doesn’t get much more punk rock than that…
Recommended Listening: I, Bificus

8. The Noisettes (Shingai Shoniwa) Their first disc was a retro garage rock masterpiece, with Ms. Shoniwa’s electric vocals crackling through the guitar crunch. So, when the second disc largely departed into a more soulful, hand-clapping kind of danceability, it took some getting used to. But, damn if that wasn’t a great sound too!
Recommended Listening: What’s The Time Mr. Wolf?

9. HorrorPops (Patricia Day) – Patricia Day is the voice behind this punky little slice of psychobilly. Their story began when Day’s former group (Peanut Pump Gun) was opening for the Nekromantix, and she struck up a conversation with Kim Nekroman (of the aforementioned band) about how limiting their genres could be. They both felt a need to explore more of their musical longings, and that spark was what would later fuel the creation of the HorrorPops. Add a few more band members, a couple of go-go dancers and an astoundingly fun mixture of punk-tinged horror stories and pop accessibility and I think you’ve got the basic recipe down…
Recommended Listening: Bring It On

10. Hole – For those of you thinking that Courtney Love is a has-been who is probably more in need of rehab than a comeback – well, I’m not necessarily arguing that point. But it’s hard to deny that Hole made some pretty tasty pop-punk classics. And judging by the excellent reviews of their live set at SXSW this year, it may be time to cut Courtney some slack…until the next time she passes out and falls off stage.
Recommended Listening: Live Through This

Yes, there are about a thousand other bands I could have showcased - but there simply isn't enough room for all the tremendous talent out there. So, who would you have picked? Comment away, folks!...

Weekend Fun Time - Stone Coyotes, Treefort, Big Bad Bollocks and Nuggets Night

There’s so much good stuff going on this weekend, I hardly know where to start – so lets just jump right in:

Tonight (March 12th)

The Stone Coyotes – 9 p.m. at Burrito Rojo, Turners Falls, MA – Go early and have some of JD’s nice & spicy food and stay late for a glimpse of the first family of rock. If you haven’t seen this trio, then you’re in for a treat – the experience is a fine wedding of gritty American poetry and power chords. Barbara Keith’s work has been inspirational for decades, and working alongside her family in the Stone Coyotes – well, let’s just say that they’re one of western Mass’ greatest exports. And this is the only scheduled area show before they head down to their home away from home in Texas, so don’t miss it!

Saturday (March 13th)


The Big Bad Bollocks – 7 p.m. at The Iron Horse, Northampton, MA – These guys are also masters of poetry – though John Allen’s breed of rhyme is more akin to a drunken limerick. The trick here is not to try to match the band drink-for-drink – unless you WANT to pass out before the second set. On top of being their annual St. Paddy’s day show, it’s also The Bollocks' 20th anniversary – so expect some extra rowdy antics, kids…


Treefort – 10 p.m. at The Brass Cat, Easthampton, MA – You say you want shenanigans? I’m sure there will be plenty when our friends Treefort hit the stage. I’ve previously labeled them as self-deprecating rock with alt-country twang and some of the finest humor you could hope for. I stand by that statement and would add that they also put on one of the most fun live shows around. And maybe they’ve got news about the long-awaited release of their second album, Talking To The Dogs. Treefort only play a couple of shows a year now, so don’t miss this! (The Burns Brothers open the show at 10 p.m.)

Nuggets Night – 9 p.m. at The Rendezvous, Turners Falls, MA – What the frak is Nuggets night, you ask? Well, Nuggets refers to a brand of garage rock psychedelia that surfaced in the late ‘60s and has inspired generations of bands to continue the tradition. Some of the originals you may recognize would be along the likes of The Amboy Dukes or Strawberry Alarm Clock, and on Saturday we’ll witness some local legends pay tribute. Ray Mason, The Claudia Malibu and a slew of others will cover our favorite songs from yesteryear – and you can be sure we’ll see some fine vintage outfits for the shindig, too. Can you dig it?

The only problem now is finding a way to clone yourself for Saturday night to be able to make all of those shows. But hey, that's your problem now...

Hope You Enjoyed The Preview of Ex-Heroes...

For those of you who missed it (shame on you), Juano’s Addiction hosted a 48 hour sneak peek at the new book Ex-Heroes over the weekend. Readers got a taste of this fun new vision of the zompocalypse – as imagined by the wonderfully twisted mind of Peter Clines. But don’t fret if you missed it – the book is now officially on sale, so you can go buy it at Amazon.com or any other fine bookseller to find it! Go!
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For more info about Peter Clines, check out his Facebook fan page.

For more info on the publisher, go to the Permuted Press web site.

For more info on averting the zompocalypse, check here. Seriously - Canadians and zombies are a bad mix.

Sex On The Brain - A VD Soundtrack

What’s that you say? You want another soundtrack for your VD to rival the ones from 2008 and 2009? Sounds good, but what’s the twist this year? A collection of ditties about pleasures of the flesh? Sounds good! Some of these are double entendre laden masterpieces, while others are…well, let’s just say that some are about as subtle as Van Halen’s For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge or Big Black’s bluntly titled magnum opus. But just because they beat you over the head with it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a listen. When the mood for some lovin’ hits, just press play…

1. “Let’s Get It On” – Marvin Gaye
2. “Bend Over, I’ll Drive” – The Cramps
3. “Big Ten-Inch Record” – Aerosmith
4. “Banana Pudding” – Southern Culture On The Skids
5. “Wild Thing” – Tone Loc
6. “Sex and Candy” – Marcy Playground
7. “Big Dumb Sex” – Soundgarden
8. “Hoochie Coochie Man” – Muddy Waters
9. “You’re So Damn Hot” – OK Go
10. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” – Def Leppard
11. “Porno Getaway” – Seventeen
12. “Hide The Salami” – Pajama Slave Dancers
13. “Bad Touch” – Bloodhound Gang
14. “Get It Up” – Mindless Self Indulgence

Any other songs from your saucy secret stashes that I didn’t think of? Post ‘em in the comments section, kids…

Two Busted Out Of The Cuckoo's Nest...

Okay, it took a bit longer than I expected, but I’m home. Why the silent treatment since last time? I may not have been on what you'd refer to as "model behavior", so I lost my computer privileges. To backtrack - do you remember that third kid from the Tim Hortons? I guess he finally found his inner zombie at the local police station (or would it be a Mountie station? I get confused from all the Dudley Do-Right Canadian stereotypes). He ate a local drunk, and they put him in a cell by himself ‘til they could get the paperwork together to ship him over to…wait for it…yep, the five-star loony bin where I’ve been cooling my heels. Clearly, Canadian doctors find a pulse to be optional when transferring a prisoner.

I was so doped up in that first month that you probably could have put a bull elephant wearing a smoking jacket and fez in the day room and I would’ve asked him to play checkers. And I probably would’ve lost. So, forgive me for not noticing the undead curling team kid showing up. Luckily, one of my schizo buddies down the hall started hearing stories about someone who had been wheeled in with full Hannibal Lecter regalia. He got a private suite, for obvious reasons. And he really started making a name for himself (Chompy MacGillacuddy, I believe it was) when the biting began.

Thankfully, Virtual Stranger got my message about needing a rescue in time to prevent a further outbreak. Granted, by the time he got there we had to put the whole place on lockdown - let’s just say that most of the patients and staff had those hungry eyes by that point (and no, not the kind that Eric Carmen sang about). Luckily, Stranger doesn’t mess around – he likes guns. Big ones. His personal fave is a sawed-off number he named Daisy (whether or not his marriage to said weapon of choice is legal in California is a story for another time). We outfitted the rest of the crazies with some choice weaponry, and there were surprisingly few friendly fire incidents. Don’t worry, we took the boomsticks away from them once we cleared the building. But if you should be near Toronto, and you see someone walking around in a robe carrying a pink plush bunny – call the cops. Jimmy the schizo may have been a big help clearing a zombie-infested nuthouse, but you don’t want him hanging around your town. Trust me.

So, home in time for V-Day. And from the looks of my inbox, we’ve got a lot to talk about. Check some of these out:

StinkyPete999 wants to know why the networks want to make him cry by burning off so many of his favorite shows – Dollhouse, Better Off Ted, Scrubs, and the list goes on.

DDollDevotee questions whether Amanda Palmer’s engagement to a certain Sandman author is real, or just some kind of wacky PR stunt.

DedMilkfan is ecstatic about the Dead Milkmen getting back together to write some new material and wants to know if they will be coming around on tour.

SBabyHead is curious why the Spiderbaby piece I promised months ago still isn’t written…

A lot of very valid questions – and being incarcerated in a Canadian sanitarium isn’t going to last long as an excuse, so I better get to work on some answers. Hope to rant to you more regularly soon – and maybe we’ll even see a Valentine’s soundtrack to mark my two year blogaversary…

Tim Hortons Fears A Ghoul

One bad call can sure ruin a fella’s day – one really bad call, and you’re locked away in an asylum for the holidays. That’s right, kids - I’ve been tossed in the loony bin, the funny farm, the straightjacket suite…whatever you’d call it, I’m here. To make things worse, I’m on the northern exposure of the Canadian border, so none of my usual contacts have been around to bust me out. So, if any of the regulars are reading this – Stranger, Mr. B, Field – I sure could use a rescue. It’s getting so you can’t kill a couple of zombie plague infected college kids in a donut shop without someone calling the authorities anymore.

I’ve been on “good behavior” since Thanksgiving, which adds up to about fifteen minutes of unmonitored internet access a day (granted, it’s a Canadian coconut phone modem, but I can’t be too choosy). The computer has been part of my therapy privileges since Boxing Day (yeah, I know what you're thinking – was I still too crazy to control myself 24 hours earlier on Christmas? I guess you'd have to ask those frakkin’ canucks!). I neglected to tell them about my little blog, and I’m hoping what they don’t know just might save me.

How did I get in this mess? Well, back in early November a buddy of mine from Toronto caught some scanner chatter about three sickly looking jocks causing a ruckus at a Tim Hortons. One of them passed out for a while and woke up a little too bitey for the locals, if you catch my drift. Lucky me (sense the sarcasm?), I was in the area already, so I said I’d check it out.

And to start, this seemed like one of the easiest gigs ever. First off, to walk in to the smell of caramel and coffee versus the putrefied meat stink that I’m usually greeted with…definitely a bonus. Second, only two of the three had turned by the time I got there. One of them was moving so slowly that I was actually able to take him out with a pointy day-old cruller to the eye – which is certainly going in my top five favorite zombie takedowns of all time. The other one slipped in a puddle of coffee one of the minimum wage monkeys had spilled, and bashed his own brains in on the corner of the ice machine.

But that was the end of my luck. The police showed up when I was trying to dispatch the third one. He hadn’t turned yet, and the authorities generally frown on the whole “murder spree” thing – especially when their prime suspect is babbling about the undead. Suddenly, I’m the bad guy?! Really, no applause necessary – just throw me in a padded room, I’ll be all set. We’ll just hope that when the third kid turns, he’s as clumsy as his buddies.

And here we are. Somebody needs to track this IP address and GET ME OUT!! In the meantime, I’ll keep you guys in the loop. I’ve missed a lot over the holidays, so I’ll try to make up for some lost time. And no more whining about being locked up, I promise...