Top 10 Reasons The Mullet Comb-Over Rocked In 2008 – The Metal Albums

Remember the eighties? No, not the folks down at the retirement home, the NINETEEN-80’s. What’s that? Too much blow? Only vague memories of Deloreans, Rubik’s Cubes and hair sprayed up about three feet high? That’s fine – most people have repressed that decade equally well. But one thing that was huge was Heavy Metal (pronounced meht-Al, and accompanied by Devil Horns – which really just looks like Spider-Man’s hand when he’s shooting a web, but upright. For emphasis, bang your head a bit. Yup, you’ve got it.)

And did you know that, at one point, there was a version of the mullet that was not ironic – it’s true, I swear. That’s just how you grew it, and dammit if I didn’t rock that ‘do. And I used to take my mullet out to visit his friends at these meht-AL shows (are you rocking the Devil Horns? I knew it!) all over the great state of Massachusetts. I saw hair bands from across the U.S., and some imports from other lands. Men Criscoed themselves into the tightest denim, and they helped their fair ladies into their Spandex with a shoehorn/crowbar combination. And then we banged our heads in a unison that hasn’t been seen since.

Until now.

Yes, in my search for the best albums of 2008, I stumbled upon an alarming number of new releases from the old hair squad. I mean, I knew about the overhyped ones: Metallica, “Guns’n’Roses” and AC/DC (Mini-reviews, in order: Solid disc, Really, we waited 10 years for this and Holy crap, their songs STILL all sound the same). But the fact that there were enough other CDs out there to populate a Top 10 List – Oh yeah, that’s the stuff!

Devil Horns Held High – The Metal Discs of 2008

1. Judas Priest – Nostradamus – For their 16th studio release, Priest (now with most of the original lineup intact) decided to do their first concept album based on the 16th century prophet. And what good timing - this was the year Nostradamus predicted that a black man would take office and a man with corn rows would get us all a Dr. Pepper. Crazy!
2. Tesla – Forever More – Okay, most people know these guys for their cover of “Signs” ("long-haired freaky people need not apply”), but they were a solid band for the time. This is the band’s 7th studio disc, and the 1st with new guitarist Dave Rude.
3. Motley Crue – Saints of Los Angeles – Yes, the original lineup is together – whoopee! But maybe the record company should have considered the fact that John Corabi (who took over vocals for Vince Neil) wasn’t such a bad fit, and at least the music sounded fresh. The lead single from this disc sounded like they had just thrown “Girls, Girls, Girls” and “Dr. Feelgood” in the blender to recycle. Plus, with Neil’s Twinkie intake on the rise, how long will it be before they have to cart him onstage with a forklift?
4. Dokken – Lightning Strikes Again – With only Don Dokken (vocals) and Mick Brown (drums) left, it’s only “Dead man walkin’/Rock group Dokken” (thank you David Spade!) by name. George Lynch (guitarist) was always the big attraction here – and he will be missed…
5. Alice Cooper – Along Came A Spider – The man who taught me that having a crush on a corpse was just fine, back for his 25th studio effort. He “leaked” the plotline to this concept album on his nationally syndicated radio show (“Nights With Alice Cooper”) – it’s the story of a serial killer named Spider who takes a trophy leg from each victim to complete the eight needed to construct his own arachnid. But he falls for victim number 8, and there’s the rub. Guest spots from Slash on guitar and Ozzy on… harmonica (?!) don’t hurt…
6. White Lion – Return Of The Pride – Back in the day, I remember seeing these guys and thinking, “Man if Mike Tramp (lead singer) can’t sing after running from one side of the stage to the other ‘cause he’s out of breath he should either stand still or hit the treadmill”. Really, the only attraction was guitarist Vito Bratta. On this new disc, it’s pretty much the Mike Tramp show – him and a bunch of no-name talent – so guess how much we want to hear this one…
7. Whitesnake – Good To Be Bad – This disc is similar to number 6 – only lead singer David Coverdale remains. No Tawny Kitaen humping the hood of a car, no Vivian Campbell (Dio, Def Leppard) on guitar and no Rudy Sarzo (Ozzy, Quiet Riot) on bass. So, why should we care? Well, the disc is getting decent reviews and some of the best chart positioning they’ve seen since the ‘80s. Huh – I guess I can give devil horns on ONE hand, but the headbanging lays in wait for a decent listen…
8. Def Leppard – Songs From The Sparkle Lounge – You just can’t keep this band down. Even when Rick Allen (drums) lost his arm to an accident on New Year’s Eve in 1984, he came back with a retro-fitted drum kit. When Steve Clark (guitar) died from an overdose in 1991, the boys grieved but continued with the addition of Vivian Campbell (yes, the one from #7). This 10th studio effort carries on their legacy.
9. Sammy Hagar – Cosmic Universal Fashion – Sammy’s pulling out the guest stars on this one – “Loud” features Billy Duffy (Cult), Michael Anthony (Van Halen) and Matt Sorum (Guns’n’Roses, Velvet Revolver) and “Switch On The Light” showcases the man with the beard supreme, the legendary guitar stylings of Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top. Oh, and did I mention the cover of The Beastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right To Party”? A weird choice, but I guess it’s been a staple of his live set for a while…
10. Extreme – Saudades de Rock – What a perfect album title to round out the list – the Portuguese roughly translates to “Nostalgic Yearning For Rock”. I seem to remember a VH1 show where they attempted to reunite these guys for a show, and the main attractions (singer Gary Cherone and guitarist Nuno Bettencort) couldn’t both be convinced. “More Than Words” was the song that made them superstars, but the band grew so sick of that song (which most felt was a poor representation of their signature sound) that it drew a wedge between them. They must have overcome the lingering issues, because this disc features both disgruntled parties and only one subsitution (a new drummer). Unfortunately, not much publicity for their first new disc in 13 years – but the reviews are positive so far…

Ten metal discs – who knew? Are you pumped?! Did you dig out your old fingerless gloves and get a craving for cheap booze in a paper bag? Just remember to be honest with yourself about how you really look before squeezing into the old Spandex, though. See you soon – and Happy New Year!