How Bob Dylan Stole My Mojo

I blame Dylan.

No, not the one from the title, my BEST FRIEND Dylan (although he is named after Mr. Zimmerman’s alter ego). We were meeting for lunch and I arrived first, meaning that while I was waiting I had to resort to my favorite public pastime – eavesdropping. I find other peoples’ conversations to be fascinating, even when it’s utter drivel. What would I say if I inserted myself into the repartee? What if a giant monster suddenly burst through the ceiling, who would run first? And what would the entire back-and-forth sound like if it was a Monty Python skit? (This last one also works incredibly well when reading Shakespeare, I might add.)

But the crowd at this little brewpub changed the game for me. Their conversation topics were fairly boring and predictable – Obama, politics, lagging economy, blah-blah-blah. Maybe a nap would make better use of my time, I thought. But then one woman started talking about music, so I tuned back in. She was telling the story of “This Bob Dylan character (which was said as if there were air quotes around his name, like he was an actual fictitious character) from back during the Vietnam War. He was this folk rock activist type who protested the war. Kind of an acquired taste – he sounded like (mocking/ impersonating Dylan) “De ansah mah fren, ees blowen inna wind”. And everyone laughed.

The ridiculous imitation wasn’t what set me off – I actually chuckled a bit. It was the fact that at this table of six, not one person said what I was thinking: “Duh, everyone knows who Bob Dylan is. But please, continue.” They all reacted as if this woman had pulled an obscure character from an ancient text for her tale, with a chorus of “Oh, really?”, “Who’s that, again? and “Me like beer!” ringing out from her companions (okay, that last one might’ve just been in my head, but still – c’mon!).

And there it was. A relatively intelligent-sounding group of twenty-somethings using Mr. Dylan as a historical allegory. Suddenly, the only voice I heard was in my own head, saying: “Holy crap, when did I get old?!” And just like that, my mind was thrown into a maelstrom of connecting thoughts:

- There was the time I was at work singing “Conjuction Junction”, and a girl asked what song it was. I told her it was a Schoolhouse Rock classic, assuming that it would need no more explanation. Now I can see that the befuddled look on her face was silently pleading: “Tell me more, Grampa!”. Arrggh!

- Or just yesterday, when a friend asked a question on my Facebook page, and I just couldn’t figure out how to reply. He explained to me that you don’t just respond to the one person, you put the answer up for everyone to see. “But what about privacy?”, I wondered? In a generation that collects “friends” like we used to do with trading cards, doesn’t that open up your conversations to a plethora of virtual eavesdroppers? (Although I guess I’m not the one to be pointing fingers about eavesdropping, hmmm?) I mean, yes, I know that Prince Harry got dumped on Facebook, but do I want Prince Harry to know what superhero I’d be according to my quiz results? (The Flash, in case you’re curious.)

Okay, so a table full of pretentious know-it-alls made me feel Yoda old (Episode V Yoda, not that jumping-around-CGI youngster), but I’m sure I’m still hip, right? After all, I’ve got this cool blog. What? So does your Grandma?

Crap…

What's New On Tube - Winter 2009 - Part 2

Here are the rest of the midseason replacements, by date:

*Means Brand Spanking New Shows

Sunday, Jan. 25 & Monday, Jan. 26

The Last Templar (NBC) – A good, old-fashioned mini-series event! This one follows Manhattan archaeologist Tess Chaykin (Mira Sorvino) and FBI agent Sean Daley (Scott Foley) as they delve into the secret world of the medieval Knights Templar. The cast is rounded out by Victor Garber (Eli Stone, Alias) as a high-placed Vatican envoy, and Omar Shariff (Doctor Zhivago, Lawrence of Arabia) as a Greek savant who comes to the rescue of Tess and Sean after a shipwreck. Does the whole thing sound a bit Da Vinci Code to you? That may be, but it’s a helluva cast and I’m a TV whore – come watch with me, won’t you?…

Monday, Feb. 2

Medium (NBC) – Ah, familiarity. Every year, NBC has thought about scrapping this gem and replacing it. This year, they tried out My Own Worst Enemy in its time slot, and we saw how well that worked. This is a fun drama about family life and… oh yeah, Patricia Arquette plays a psychic who works for the D.A. solving crimes. And her daughters are coming into the family business, getting psychic flashes in their dreams. I’ve got a vision myself – NBC…won’t be…so stupid...about trying to ditch this show anymore. Yay!

Wednesday, Feb. 11

Important Things with Demetri Martin (Comedy Central) – If you haven’t checked out this comedian yet, his stand-up special “Person” (on DVD) is a good crash course. It should give you a glimpse into Martin’s world of straight-faced comedic delivery (the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the great Steven Wright), music and art. Or you may recognize him as a correspondant on The Daily Show, with his Trendspotting segment. Either way, this new show should be a Chappelle Show-esque blending of stand-up routines and pre-recorded skits. Somehow, though, I doubt the phrase “I’m Demetri Martin, bitch!” will ever be uttered…

Friday, Feb. 13

*Dollhouse (Fox) – Joss Whedon. Eliza Dushku. For most of us geeks, those two reasons are more than enough. But there was a bit of work stoppage on production to retool some scripts, and suddenly everyone’s a naysayer. And the Friday nights on Fox timeslot certainly brings back bad memories of Firefly’s early demise, especially premiering on a Friday the 13th. But how ‘bout we give the show a chance before we assume it’s already canceled, hmmm? The Dollhouse is a secret organization that rents out operatives whose minds have been wiped clean so that they could be imprinted with whatever personality the mission requires. And you will watch and tell Fox that you love it. Just do it – so sayeth Joss. Amen!

Terminator (Fox) – Okay, this isn’t a mid-season show, but it is a new night – to pair it with the more suitable sci-fi themed Dollhouse.

Monday, March 9

*Castle (ABC) – The incomparable Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Drive) plays lead character Richard Castle, a successful murder-mystery writer. He is called in to help NYPD homicide when a killer starts copying murders described in Castle’s books.

Sunday, March 15

*Kings (NBC) – Ian McShane (Deadwood) stars in this modern re-imagining of the biblical story of King David. Here, David Shepherd (Christopher Egan) is a soldier who rescues the king’s son from enemy territory, setting events in motion to eventually bring peace. David becomes something of a celebrity, gaining the attention of many a young lady’s eye (including, of course, the king’s daughter). He gets swept up into this world of politics, hero-worship and questioned loyalties, wondering if he’s the man everyone wants him to be.

Tuesday, March 17

Reaper (CW) – Okay, everyone knows I’m cuckoo for this show, but seriously people – WATCH REAPER! It’s one of the most funny, original shows in years, and the cast works phenomenally well together. And check this out – it premieres on St. Paddy’s day! So even if you go to bed drunk and wake up in the morning with a little Reaper on your Tivo, no one has to know. And for those of you who have been watching, the second season is a short 13 episodes long, - so what do we have to look forward to? Well, hopefully we’ll find out how Sam’s dad survived the getting-buried-alive thing. And we’ll find out if Sam is actually the Devil’s bouncing baby boy. Oh, and we’ll be introduced to Morgan – who is DEFINITELY a spawn of you-know-who. Oh, and there will be enough viewers to ensure a season 3 – nudge-nudge, wink-wink…

Tuesday, March 24

*Cupid (ABC) – 10 years ago, Rob Thomas (creator of Veronica Mars) had an amazingly cute and quirky show featuring a little-known actor by the name of Jeremy Piven as Trevor Hale. Hale’s problem was the delusion that he was actually Cupid, sent to Earth in mortal form with the task of matching 100 couples without the aid of magic. The show used a weekly therapy session (with the lovely Paula Marshall as his shrink) to tackle his supposed problem. The underlying question, though, (which never got answered due to the series’ early cancellation) was whether or not he actually WAS Cupid. In 2009, Rob Thomas gets a mulligan, launching version 2.0 with Bobby Cannavale assuming the title role - and hopefully he’ll get more closure than Mr. Piven did…

Wednesday, April 8

*The Unusuals (ABC) – A funny cop show produced by Dennis Leary… is it the sequel to The Job? No? Well, if it’s half as funny, it’ll be worth a watch. Detective Casey Schraeger (Joan of Arcadia’s Amber Tamblyn) gets moved from vice to homicide because she’s an honest cop who could be trusted. But when everyone on the new squad has their own wacky secrets, hijinks ensue. Harold Perrineau (Michael from Lost) plays another member of this police farce...

Thursday, April 9

*Harper's Island (CBS) – They’re billing it as “A 13-episode mystery event!” It follows the adventures of a wedding party on an isolated island outside Seattle – an island that just happened to have a string of unsolved murders seven years prior. Now they try to survive while the killer’s back to his old tricks – I’m guessing about a murder a week. That’s why I’m having MY wedding at the beautiful Crystal Lake Resort. Yikes…

March (No firm release date yet)

*The Penguins of Madagascar (Nickelodeon) – I haven’t seen the 2nd Madagascar film yet, but if asked what the best part of the first flick was? Definitely the homicidal mercenary antics of the penguins. Will giving them their own show be too much of a good thing? Let’s hope their mischievous ways continue to keep us laughing.

That's all for now - check back soon for more useless knowledge!

Ricardo Montalban: Another Star Fades

Beloved actor Ricardo Montalban died in his home this week at the age of 88.

One of the first Mexican-born actors to make it big in Hollywood, his early roles for MGM in the '40s and '50s were mainly as the "Latin lover" character because of his charm and good looks. And his career flourished over the years, landing him a variety of wonderful roles.

But most of us fondly remember him for two reasons:

1. As the man who welcomed us weekly to an amazing getaway called Fantasy Island, where Tattoo would announce incoming planes and guests would live out their acid-trip fantasies.

and

2. As Khan Noonien Singh, the superman who made James Kirk of the Starship Enterprise (Star Trek) so enraged that all he could shout was the single syllable: KHAN!!!

Both of those roles have engrained themselves permanently into our memories, and have become pop culture legend. Mr. Montalban will be missed.

Top Album Picks Of 2008 - Stylishly Late Or Laziness Embodied, You Be The Judge!

Okay, so I got caught up in reading everyone else's Best of '08 lists and forgot to post my own. Since nobody reads this thing anyway, I figured I'd just give you my opinions now - and I'm not trimming the thing down to 10, either. Luck be damned, we're going for the Top 13!

1. She & Him – Volume 1 – I’ve talked up this band before, but this pairing of the actress (Zooey Deschanel) and the hipster (M Ward) couldn’t be better. A mixture of timeless music, catchy rhythms and sweetly fractured vocals made this an utterly enjoyable album from beginning to end. Radio might’ve played the singles to death, but that doesn’t make “This Is Not A Test” or “Why Do You Let Me Stay Here” any less remarkable.

2. Foxboro Hot Tubs – Stop, Drop and Roll!!! – Yes, it’s the Green Day side project that had the vintage garage rock sound. Yes, a lot of the guitar and beats sound recycled. But the disc was still a ridiculous amount of fun, so stop your nitpicking.

3. Thao with The Get Down Stay Down – We Brave Bee Stings and All – Thao’s unusual vocal delivery and odd song structures made this one stand out from the pack. And the fact she’s a spitfire on stage doesn’t hurt. Whether singing about a "Bag of Hammers" or water safety ("Swimming Pool"), this offbeat chanteuse had me hooked.

4. Jenny Lewis – Acid Tongue – The headmistress for Rilo Kiley does another solo disc, this time without any assistance from The Watson Twins. And it looks like she does just fine on her own. Okay, sure, the backup from Elvis Costello on hit single “Carpetbaggers” certainly wasn’t a hindrance…

5. Gnarls Barkley – The Odd Couple – An odd coupling indeed, but one of the best musical collaborations we could have hoped for – rapper Cee-Lo and producer/multi-instrumentalist Danger Mouse mix old school funk and soul beats with electronica for a tasty stew. “Run” and “Going On” are the tracks that got beaten into the ground, but the ground was pretty happy about it in the long run.

6. Mindless Self Indulgence – If – (For the full review, check here.) These potty-mouthed, self-deprecating assholes just keep making me love them more. Their mix of punk and techno make their tales of limp penises (“Get It Up”) and Beatles killers (“Mark David Chapman”) oddly danceable. Don’t fight it!

7. Weezer – Weezer (better known as The Red Album) – What can you guess about a band that can release a single entitled “Pork and Beans” and have it become a huge hit? That they’re a bunch of silly-heads who know how to write a great guitar hook? Yeah, that’s a big part of it. But the fact that these alt-pop-punk rock weirdoes are still going strong keeps me (and quite a few Rivers Cuomo-philes) laughing at their wink-and-nod craziness. The fact that they’re experimenting with new songs on their sixth disc just makes them more interesting.

8. Ben Folds – Way To Normal – Okay, there’s the ever-familiar sound of Ben Folds singing while pounding those ivories. But you know what he unpacked this time out? Some new beats. Don’t believe me? Well, if you haven’t already picked up this disc, Exhibit A would be lead single “You Don’t Know Me” (featuring fantastic guest vocals from Regina Spektor) – vocal harmonies compounded by a funky backbeat and, well… great songwriting. Check it out, already!

9. Conor Oberst – Conor Oberst – A few years back, I would’ve told you I just didn’t get the attraction of the whole Bright Eyes phenomenon. Yeah, he was some kind of alt-folk- rock prodigy, pumping out the discs, but why should I care? But the more I listened, the more I liked. Suddenly, Oberst’s first solo disc is on my tops list – who knew? But with such an amazing collection of songs – including my fave “I Don’t Want To Die (In A Hospital)” and lead single “Sausalito” – I can no longer deny how dang cool he is...

10. Jesus H. Christ & the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse – Happier Than You – This 8-piece out of New York describe themselves as a “rock/pop/metal/psychedelic/ cabaret” band. However you classify them, though, they are amazingly talented musicians who have an absurdist sense of humor – and the mix blends surprisingly well. Whether singing odes to hot secretaries (“Liz The Hot Receptionist”) or listing off the local drunks (“Alcoholics In My Town”), the male/female vocal duo smashes through every notion you could have about them turning in any serious works – and you’ll love them all the more for it.

11. Flogging Molly – Float – These Irish-American punks conjure up another fantastically bawdy soundtrack to a drunken brawl. Although the subject matter takes a decidedly darker turn, the disc is still one of the most lively of 2008.

12. Ryan Adams and the Cardinals – Cardinology – What the… Only one album from the prolific Adams in 2008? Am I seeing that correctly. Wow. But what a disc, punctuated with the exclamation point of a single like “Fix It”. Now if we could just get Mr. Adams to stop TALKING about consummating his love for the Cardinals by taking his name out of the band title and actually doing it…

13. Metallica – Death Magnetic – Until the disc came out, I had big doubts. Let’s face it, James Hetfield had turned into little more than a heavy metal crooner, making it sound like some kind of horribly themed opera – and that way only leads to crap like Creed, my friends. But Death Magnetic was their way to thumb their nose at their critics and tell us how much they can still rock out with their hoohadilly out.

That's it for now. Care to share your favorites? You know where the comments section is. I'll be back later this week with part 2 of the winter TV premieres. Have fun 'til then!

What's New On Tube - Winter 2009 - Part 1

Hey kids - here's the January releases for new TV by date:

*Means Brand Spanking New Shows

Already Started

*Leverage (TNT) – I’ve gotta say, TNT is really coming into its own with the original dramas. This one is the story of Nate Ford (Timothy Hutton), a man who lived on the right side of the law for so long that he eventually got screwed. Now, he does good things with bad people – a team comprised of a thief, a tech geek, a grifter and… someone who excels at beating the crap out of people. Ford finds jobs where people have been swindled, and the crew find innovative ways to get back what’s been taken from them. The parallels to Robin Hood are obvious, but the blend of humor and wit make this one of TV’s best new shows.

Monday, Jan. 5

Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family) – So, you’re wondering what Molly Ringwald has been up to since the ‘80s? Or maybe what John Schneider has been doing since they killed him off of Smallville? You can find them both in this show, I can tell you that much. This is the “Holy crap, I only had sex once, how-the-hell-am-I-pregnant?!” teen drama, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention.

Tuesday, Jan. 6

Scrubs (ABC) – For those of you paying attention, yes it’s on ABC not NBC. Courtney Cox leads the guest star parade as she takes Bob Kelso’s old job. And it already looks like ABC’s giving this show better treatment than NBC did – they’re actually airing commercials. Wacky!

Nip/Tuck (FX) – What are those nutty plastic surgeons up to these days? I’m betting there’s a lot of blood, shocking sex and spider monkeys involved, that’s for sure. What, no spider monkeys? And I was all set to start watching again, thanks for ruining it for me…

Wednesday, Jan. 7

Damages (FX) – Glenn Close plays a tough lawyer willing to do nearly anything to win a case (do we remember the poochicide, anyone?). She’s finished kicking Ted Danson’s ass, so I wonder who’s up next?

Friday, Jan. 9

Flashpoint (CBS) – I don’t know what’s more unbelievable – that this bland, generic cop drama made it to season two after being a summer fill-in last year, or that TV still hasn’t found a decent post-Veronica Mars vehicle for Enrico Colantoni (Papa Mars himself). Someone must like it, though…

Monk (USA) – Tony Shalhoub’s OCD detecive returns for the tail end of season 7. Enjoy the show while you can – the eighth and final season kicks off its run next summer. While this show has never been at the top of my list, it has remained consistently funny and entertaining. Hopefully in the final batch, they will let Monk solve Trudy’s murder mystery…

Psych (USA) – Following the adventures of Shawn and Gus of the Psych detective agency (Shawn has a photographic memory and hyper-attentive detection skills, making him a great fake psychic) as they solve cases with the police, people have criticized this show for becoming too silly. As I recall, the show bordered on slapstick from the beginning, and if you’re getting laughs keep it up. (Oddly, Shawn has no relation to Patrick Jane on The Mentalist…

Sunday, Jan. 11

24 (Fox) – Oh YEAH! Jack Bauer’s back to kick some terrorist booty in this first night in the 2-day (Monday night is it’s normal home), 4-hour premiere event. In the seventh 24-hour catastrophe in Jack’s world you’ve got to wonder what kind of bad luck he’s got – and if he ever sleeps. (I’m pretty sure this time it’s an Iraqi plot to destroy America with Radioactive Hamsters – without black belts…)

Monday, Jan. 12

Kyle XY (ABC Family) – The further adventure of the boy with no belly button! With Amanda kidnapped after the prom, how will Kyle rescue her from the villainous Latnok group? I guess we’ll have to find out together. And if you haven’t checked out this sci-fi/adventure/ family show because you’re wary of ABC Family’s ability to create original programming, I’m giving this one a huge seal of approval.

Thursday, Jan. 15

*The Beast (A & E) – Fresh out of his recovery from treatment for pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze stars as FBI agent Charles Baker. His offbeat tactics have made him a target for I.A., but that doesn’t stop him from training new partner Ellis Dove (Travis Fimmel, of the short-lived Tarzan on the WB).

Friday, Jan. 16

Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi) – One of the finest hours of drama on TV (sci-fi or otherwise) begins its final batch. Producers promise a lot of revelations – and I’m guessing a liberal dosage of the word “frak” (my favorite fake swear-word since “Drokk” from Judge Dredd or “Gorram” from Firefly). This show’s innovative visuals and intricate storytelling will be greatly missed.

Friday Night Lights (NBC) – This show already aired its third season for those of you who have DirecTV, but for the rest of us we start now. And while a shortened season is better than none, I really hope that the loss of Jason Street and “Smash” Williams from series regulars doesn’t impair the team dynamic. From what I’ve heard, though, FNL is still at its best. And don’t despair if you’re not a football fan – most of the drama takes place off the field…

Wednesday, Jan. 21

*Lie to Me (Fox) – Tim Roth (Pulp Fiction, The Incredible Hulk) plays Dr. Cal Lightman, who is a human lie detector. He and his team of behavioral scientists are the Lightman group, and they know when you’re lying, Steve. Yes, you. They know what happened with that ostrich in eighth grade. Just let it out.

Lost (ABC) – Starting with the always-handy recap episode, we then get a two-hour season premiere full of flashbacks, flash-forwards and The Oceanic Six trying to get BACK TO the island. Life is always greener, eh? Prepare to be wowed while scratching your head and screaming “What the frak?!” a lot.

Thursday, Jan. 22

Burn Notice (USA) – Michael Weston (Jeffrey Donovan) received a “Burn Notice” – which, for spies, is essentially a pink slip, but with more identity erasure and shooting. If you haven’t been watching…start. Donovan plays smarmy incredibly well, and the rest of the cast play their parts equally perfectly - including the iconic Bruce Campbell as a freeloader with FBI contacts, the lovely Gabrielle Anwar as a tough gun runner (and Michael’s occasional romantic squeeze) and Sharon Gless as Michael’s wonderfully clichéd Miami mom. Watch…this…show!

Friday, Jan 23

*The Electric Company (PBS) – “Hey you guuuuuuys!” - guess what’s been revamped and is making a comeback? Loved this as a kid, so it’s got a lot to live up to for a new generation… except for the campy Spidey bits. They were always a bit disappointing – I mean, was he a mute? Slightly slow? Poor webhead looked like he needed a helmet…

Monday, Jan. 26

The Closer (TNT) – Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson (Kyra Sedgwick) and her gang are back in TNT’s flagship drama show. Between the cliffhanger from last season (fading to black while Detective Sanchez had been shot and Brenda was ordering him to breathe) and the new promos questioning whether or not Brenda and Fritz’s wedding will end with an “I do”, I can’t wait much longer. So let’s get this party started – thank you so muuuch!

*Trust Me (TNT) – The creators and exec producers of The Closer bring you this tale of the goings-on inside a Chicago advertising agency. Mason (Eric McCormack - Will & Grace) and Conner (Tom Cavanagh - Ed) are best friends – at least until Mason is promoted above Conner. A little brotherly competition never hurt anyone, though. What’s that? Cain and Abel? Oh, right…

For February releases (and beyond), check back soon!

Top 10 Reasons The Mullet Comb-Over Rocked In 2008 – The Metal Albums

Remember the eighties? No, not the folks down at the retirement home, the NINETEEN-80’s. What’s that? Too much blow? Only vague memories of Deloreans, Rubik’s Cubes and hair sprayed up about three feet high? That’s fine – most people have repressed that decade equally well. But one thing that was huge was Heavy Metal (pronounced meht-Al, and accompanied by Devil Horns – which really just looks like Spider-Man’s hand when he’s shooting a web, but upright. For emphasis, bang your head a bit. Yup, you’ve got it.)

And did you know that, at one point, there was a version of the mullet that was not ironic – it’s true, I swear. That’s just how you grew it, and dammit if I didn’t rock that ‘do. And I used to take my mullet out to visit his friends at these meht-AL shows (are you rocking the Devil Horns? I knew it!) all over the great state of Massachusetts. I saw hair bands from across the U.S., and some imports from other lands. Men Criscoed themselves into the tightest denim, and they helped their fair ladies into their Spandex with a shoehorn/crowbar combination. And then we banged our heads in a unison that hasn’t been seen since.

Until now.

Yes, in my search for the best albums of 2008, I stumbled upon an alarming number of new releases from the old hair squad. I mean, I knew about the overhyped ones: Metallica, “Guns’n’Roses” and AC/DC (Mini-reviews, in order: Solid disc, Really, we waited 10 years for this and Holy crap, their songs STILL all sound the same). But the fact that there were enough other CDs out there to populate a Top 10 List – Oh yeah, that’s the stuff!

Devil Horns Held High – The Metal Discs of 2008

1. Judas Priest – Nostradamus – For their 16th studio release, Priest (now with most of the original lineup intact) decided to do their first concept album based on the 16th century prophet. And what good timing - this was the year Nostradamus predicted that a black man would take office and a man with corn rows would get us all a Dr. Pepper. Crazy!
2. Tesla – Forever More – Okay, most people know these guys for their cover of “Signs” ("long-haired freaky people need not apply”), but they were a solid band for the time. This is the band’s 7th studio disc, and the 1st with new guitarist Dave Rude.
3. Motley Crue – Saints of Los Angeles – Yes, the original lineup is together – whoopee! But maybe the record company should have considered the fact that John Corabi (who took over vocals for Vince Neil) wasn’t such a bad fit, and at least the music sounded fresh. The lead single from this disc sounded like they had just thrown “Girls, Girls, Girls” and “Dr. Feelgood” in the blender to recycle. Plus, with Neil’s Twinkie intake on the rise, how long will it be before they have to cart him onstage with a forklift?
4. Dokken – Lightning Strikes Again – With only Don Dokken (vocals) and Mick Brown (drums) left, it’s only “Dead man walkin’/Rock group Dokken” (thank you David Spade!) by name. George Lynch (guitarist) was always the big attraction here – and he will be missed…
5. Alice Cooper – Along Came A Spider – The man who taught me that having a crush on a corpse was just fine, back for his 25th studio effort. He “leaked” the plotline to this concept album on his nationally syndicated radio show (“Nights With Alice Cooper”) – it’s the story of a serial killer named Spider who takes a trophy leg from each victim to complete the eight needed to construct his own arachnid. But he falls for victim number 8, and there’s the rub. Guest spots from Slash on guitar and Ozzy on… harmonica (?!) don’t hurt…
6. White Lion – Return Of The Pride – Back in the day, I remember seeing these guys and thinking, “Man if Mike Tramp (lead singer) can’t sing after running from one side of the stage to the other ‘cause he’s out of breath he should either stand still or hit the treadmill”. Really, the only attraction was guitarist Vito Bratta. On this new disc, it’s pretty much the Mike Tramp show – him and a bunch of no-name talent – so guess how much we want to hear this one…
7. Whitesnake – Good To Be Bad – This disc is similar to number 6 – only lead singer David Coverdale remains. No Tawny Kitaen humping the hood of a car, no Vivian Campbell (Dio, Def Leppard) on guitar and no Rudy Sarzo (Ozzy, Quiet Riot) on bass. So, why should we care? Well, the disc is getting decent reviews and some of the best chart positioning they’ve seen since the ‘80s. Huh – I guess I can give devil horns on ONE hand, but the headbanging lays in wait for a decent listen…
8. Def Leppard – Songs From The Sparkle Lounge – You just can’t keep this band down. Even when Rick Allen (drums) lost his arm to an accident on New Year’s Eve in 1984, he came back with a retro-fitted drum kit. When Steve Clark (guitar) died from an overdose in 1991, the boys grieved but continued with the addition of Vivian Campbell (yes, the one from #7). This 10th studio effort carries on their legacy.
9. Sammy Hagar – Cosmic Universal Fashion – Sammy’s pulling out the guest stars on this one – “Loud” features Billy Duffy (Cult), Michael Anthony (Van Halen) and Matt Sorum (Guns’n’Roses, Velvet Revolver) and “Switch On The Light” showcases the man with the beard supreme, the legendary guitar stylings of Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top. Oh, and did I mention the cover of The Beastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right To Party”? A weird choice, but I guess it’s been a staple of his live set for a while…
10. Extreme – Saudades de Rock – What a perfect album title to round out the list – the Portuguese roughly translates to “Nostalgic Yearning For Rock”. I seem to remember a VH1 show where they attempted to reunite these guys for a show, and the main attractions (singer Gary Cherone and guitarist Nuno Bettencort) couldn’t both be convinced. “More Than Words” was the song that made them superstars, but the band grew so sick of that song (which most felt was a poor representation of their signature sound) that it drew a wedge between them. They must have overcome the lingering issues, because this disc features both disgruntled parties and only one subsitution (a new drummer). Unfortunately, not much publicity for their first new disc in 13 years – but the reviews are positive so far…

Ten metal discs – who knew? Are you pumped?! Did you dig out your old fingerless gloves and get a craving for cheap booze in a paper bag? Just remember to be honest with yourself about how you really look before squeezing into the old Spandex, though. See you soon – and Happy New Year!

Why Is Getting Pooped On By A Bird Lucky?

Yes, you read that correctly.

Let me preface the question a bit, and put things in context. I was out shoveling snow in my driveway last night, and to make me more miserable I felt something dripping on my hat. It was far too cold to be ice melting off of the roof. And I heard a gaggle of geese, or maybe a murder of crows, or some kind of dirty birds cawing overhead. Or maybe they were just laughing. "No way", I thought. "It couldn't possibly be."

But, it turns out that it could. And when my girlfriend saw the seed-filled dookie atop my chapeau, she stopped shoveling and said: "Oh, that's good luck!".

Really? And it turns out she wasn't just trying to make me feel better. That's the myth - getting pooped on by a bird brings good fortune. Heck, a blogger from Arizona (My Poptart Tastes Funny...) actually posted a piece about what kind of luck is associated with what birds. I guess it makes as much sense as the rural myth of wishing on a truckload of hay, anyway...

What do you think, dear readers? I just feel dirty.