If you’ve seen the trailers for Jennifer's Body, you know the basic plotline: Jennifer (Megan Fox) is the uber-hot high school tease, who eventually starts eating her male classmates. The aptly named Needy (geekily cute Amanda Seyfried) has been her BFF since childhood, always covering for Jennifer's misdeeds while harboring a pretty serious bicurious crush – thus, the tease of a possible lesbian kiss in the commercials. Things obviously go a little wonky for the duo when Needy catches on to the whole demonic murder angle - it IS tough to look the other way when your best bud is dripping with blood and viscera, after all.What most people are trying to figure out: Is this a horror movie with a dash of teen comedy, or vice versa? I’m happy to report that there’s a generous dose of both, thanks to the able writing of Diablo Cody (in her first screen effort since Juno). You’re certainly not going to get any John Hughes-esque life lessons out of this teen romp, but Cody’s humorous, pop culture laden dialogue makes for an entertaining outing.
As to the accusations that the movie is trying to sell itself on sex appeal alone, I’ve brought in an expert on the subject. His name is Hank DeSchlong, and he used to cast some of the sex bombs from the big horror franchises of the ‘70s and ‘80s.
Juano’s Addiction: Hank, thanks for talking to us.
Hank DeSchlong: Hey, no problem, buddy.
JA: You've clearly seen a lot of the big horror flicks from the past few decades. So, in comparison, what was your take on the sexual themes of this movie? Are they going too far?
HD: Not far enough, if you ask me.
JA: Really? A lot of folks are saying that the only audiences they were trying to reach were teenage boys and horny old men.
HD: And you've just described a horror flick's best customers. But seriously, what did we get out of this flick? A little sideboob here and there, the outline of an ass – everybody stayed pretty well covered up.
JA: But what about the Jennifer/Needy kissing scene?
HD: What-EVER! I guess if that’s what kids get hot and bothered about now, great. Back in the day, they both would’ve stripped to some cool metal tune within the first five minutes.
JA: Yeah, but things have changed. Now, parents are more worried about their kids seeing nudity than they are about them witnessing full eviscerations.
HD: That’s what I’m saying! If this was still the eighties, we wouldn’t have had to worry about that crap. Boobs AND blood and guts, that’s what you were paying for, so that’s what you got. And this whole ‘But, what’s my motivation?’ attitude these actresses pull is what’s killed the horror industry. In any one of the Friday The 13th movies, we could’ve told them girls that it was vital to the plot that they just strip down naked, lube up with Wesson oil and jump on a trampoline. Done! No freakin’ questions, no diva attitude… God, I miss them days.
JA: Wow, could you twist your moustache when you say things like that? It all seems a bit demoralizing - I’d like to think that things have progressed a bit since then.
HD: God, you sound like a pussy, you know that?! I thought you wanted my unique point of view or whatever.
JA: Okay, okay... How about the music aspect – you mentioned the metal connection from the eighties pics. How do the current soundtracks to these genre movies stand up?
HD: The bands are bigger pussies than you are! I mean, look at the band from the movie, Low Shoulder – they’re all a bunch of eyeline wearin’ indie queers. I’m supposed to believe they’d have the sac to sacrifice that girl Jennifer to Satan to further their careers? I’m surprised that they weren’t the ones kissing each other in the trailer.
JA: Yeah, that’s a lovely sentiment. Those guys on your t-shirt - Motley Crue - didn't they wear a bunch of makeup, too?
HD: That's different. They're artists!
JA: Artists who wear blush and spandex - but I guess the cross-dressing look was in back then.
HD: You take that back! Never defile the name of the Crue!
(At this point, Mr. DeSchlong was vacated from the premises after jumping across the table and trying to strangle me with an electrical chord.)
Okay, I’m back. Mr. DeSchlong’s POV was certainly… illuminating. Restraining orders aside, he did have a point about the band in the movie, though – anyone aspiring to the dizzying heights of popularity of Maroon 5 may actually not be the most desirable agents of Satan. But Adam Brody's hilariously tongue-in-cheek take on the role of brooding singer Nikolai, along with the constant repetition of Low Shoulder's "hit" song ("Through The Trees"), provided ongoing gags that garnered quite a few chuckles.
My overall reaction to the film: an amusing ride that provided more belly laughs than skin-crawling visuals. It's similar to the Idle Hands breed of high school hijinks, dark comedy and occasional gore. But in this instance, even the peripheral blood splatter was a bit toned down for an R Rated movie - most of the kill scenes were done in silhouette, reducing the visual impact. Gory without the gore, but funny with plenty of fun. The fact that Cody opted out of the stereotypical horror movie ending (Jennifer jumping back to life, someone else turning evil to carry on the legacy, yadda-yadda-yadda) actually lets us walk out thinking of something other than a possible sequel, which was a big bonus.
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And if you ARE the type of person that needs to take some overall moral away from everything you see, try this one out for Jennifer's Body:
“Being a virgin might get you killed, but pretending to be a virgin will make you a killer. So either way, embrace your inner slut to make the world a better place.”
Not so warm and fuzzy, but what were you expecting...
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