Your Turkey Day Soundtrack

Did any of your little ones find the legendary golden waddle that Tom Turkey sneaks into some lucky kid’s house every year? My favorite part of Thanksgiving morning was always biting the head off the chocolate turkey. Ah, good times… which, of course, are ruined when your family starts showing up. Auntie Madge will say the Turkey’s overdone, little cousin Jimmy will cover your table in mashed ‘taters the likes of which haven’t been seen since Close Encounters and Uncle Bob will have his hand down the front of his pants before the table’s cleared. That's just how it works – so start drinking early, throw on some music and get ready for a meltdown. Here are some songs to get you started…

1. “Alice’s Restaurant Masacree” – Arlo Guthrie
2. “You To Thank” – Ben Folds
3. “Jive Turkey” – Ohio Players
4. “Thank U” – Alanis Morissette
5. “Gotta Serve Somebody” – Bob Dylan
6. “Thanksgiving Song” – Adam Sandler
7. “Harvest” – Neil Young
8. “Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)” – Sly & The Family Stone
9. “Gratitude” – Ani DiFranco
10. “Leftovers” – No Doubt

And around dessert time, you'll probably be ready for the bonus track:

11. "She's Gonna Break Soon" - Less Than Jake

Have fun, folks! But don't drink too much - you've gotta be up at three in the morning if you want to properly armor yourself for Black Friday. Remember that year when I got kicked in the crotch by a crazy grandmother trying to grab the last "Tickle Me Elmo"? I come prepared, now - steel cup and full riot gear. You hear that, grannie?! I'm on to you...

Axl Rose Bought You All A Dr Pepper, America!

So, do you remember my tirade about Guns'n'Roses' decade-in-the-making album Chinese Democracy? Well, what I didn't mention was that way back in March, a Dr Pepper spokesperson bet that Axl wouldn't put the disc out this year. The wager: a can of Dr Pepper to everyone in America if Democracy was released by the end of the calendar year. And seeing as the CD is out tomorrow (November 23rd) , either this was the best free advertising campaign that Dr Pepper has ever had, or someone who shot his mouth off is getting his ass fired.

Either way, you can get your coupon for your free schwag by visiting the Dr Pepper web site. The catch: it's only available for 24 hours starting at midnight on the 23rd. And you have to register with Dr Pepper.com to take part in the promotion. And you have to pat your head and rub your tummy while typing with your nose. And something about your first born. But dangit, I want to be a Pepper too!

So, thanks Axl - and whatever kooky band members you're currently calling GNR. And remember, the reason the disc is coming out on a Sunday is so that you can observe the Holy Sabbath of Axl. Kneel before Rose, America! He got you a free soft drink, so be gracious acolytes...

Punk Memories - To The Highest Bidder

Does anyone remember the true meaning of punk rock? Really, it was just a bunch of disillusioned working class kids on both sides of the pond trying to reinvent music. Mainstream rock had gotten so polished that a kid couldn’t just pick up a guitar and play along anymore. So these punk kids just said “Fuck it!” and rebuilt music from the ground up, no training necessary. Pick up a guitar and throttle it by the neck – whatever noise came out would be just fine, thank you. Thus began an era of shredded clothes, safety pins and hastily scrawled flyers – all done on the cheap, since nobody had a whole lot of cash.

So when Christie’s Auction House (New York saleroom) announced that they would be auctioning off punk memorabilia in lots that BEGIN at around $300 and top out at $7,000, it was enough to make me scratch my head and go “Huh?!” I mean, don’t get me wrong – some of these items are definitely worth the money. From the flyer for the quadruple bill of The Clash, The Buzzcocks, Subway Sect and the Slits in ’77 to a complete press kit for the ’77-’78 U.S. Tour of The Sex Pistols (complete with signed publicity photos) to rare promotional t-shirts (like The Ramones’ Rocket To Russia promo shirt), there is plenty of value to any collector.

The problem is that the people who probably most deserve these items can’t afford them. “So who the hell actually should have them, Mr. Self-righteous?!” I’m glad you asked. The fans who felt Joey Ramone’s greasy locks brush their face, the people who got Sid Vicious’ blood and sweat on them in the front row, the groupie who helped Iggy Pop pierce his scrote – all lay equal claim to these items under punk’s anarchical code. Sure, a lot of the punk kids grew up to be corporate tools and could afford this boatload of goodies – but I’d bet that more of them are thrift store bargain-bin shoppers.

For those of you who think you CAN afford any of these items, check out the listings here. The actual auction takes place next Monday, November 24th. And for those of you who can’t afford anything, feel free to wait outside with a bat.***

***Juano’s Addiction does not take responsibility for any hoity-toity rich people who "accidentally" get hit with a bat. Even if they really, really deserve it...

Juano Returns, Well-Rested

It's okay, kids - daddy's back. My brain got a bit frazzled during the Halloween extravaganza, but I've done a bit of rewiring and things should be working just fine now. Granted, now I'm seeing a lephrechaun riding a unicorn everywhere I go - but otherwise the synapses are firing perfectly. Time to put some pants on and join reality...

Your Election Day Soundtrack

It's been a long election, and most of us are glad to see it come to an end. Here's a little music to accompany you to the polling booths - some about the current administration, some about the campaign tactics and some just because. Enjoy!

1. “The One On The Right Is On The Left” – Johnny Cash
2. “The New World” – X
3. “Peaches” – Presidents of the United States of America
4. “No W” – Ministry
5. “If I Was President” – Wyclef Jean
6. “American Idiot” – Green Day
7. “Stars And Stripes Of Corruption” – Dead Kennedys
8. “The Bush Boys” – The Mammals
9. “Backstabber” – The Dresden Dolls
10. “Changing of the Guards” – Bob Dylan

Whatever the outcome, this is monumental kids. Hopefully the nation's still standing in the morning...