Operation Impending Annoyance: Strike Prep 101

“All right cadets, listen up! This is your training to deal with the upcoming battle, and it’s a crafty enemy, by Jesus! They hide in plain sight up in that tee-vee box and that silver screen hoodoo – you know they’re calling those motion pictures “talkies” now? It’s just not American. You, with your hand up and looks like he wants to piss himself, you got some kinda namby-pamby question?!”

“Yeah, umm, we thought this was History Of Film 101, should we leave? Oh, and why do you talk so funny?”

“Why do I talk so fu… Okay, listen up maggots! You’re in the right place, and we’re setting you up for the struggle ahead. You see, those “actors” that you all coddle so much – commies one and all if you ask me – are prepared to walk out on us. And so soon after we made peace with their brothers-in-arms in the Writers Corp and the Directors Infantry. A lot of good people were lost in those battles, and you’re going to learn from their mistakes, dammit! Now pay attention, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover!”

Okay, back to the real world – not that this will be anywhere near as fun. I’m assuming that most people have at least heard rumblings of another possible strike on the horizon (contracts are up at the end of June). The thing that’s most confusing about this one is that there are two actors’ unions involved, with some people having overlapping memberships in both.

So who are these unions, and who do I have to smack to get some new TV and movies? All good questions, but first the background. SAG stands for the Screen Actors Guild, representing actors in both film and television worldwide – this also seems to be the one that people focus on, so many don’t know AFTRA exists. AFTRA is the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, and it represents a much broader range “including actors in radio and television, as well as radio and television announcers and newspersons, singers and recording artists (both royalty artists and background singers), promo and voice-over announcers and other performers in commercials, stunt persons and specialty acts.” (Thank you Wikipedia.) You should probably know about the DGA (Directors Guild of America) and WGA (Writers Guild of America) as well. Yes, they both already got their contracts taken care of, but this new headache greatly resembles the debacle we just went through.

Why can’t they all just get along? So now the two actors unions might be getting into a cage match. AFTRA, in an effort to reach a deal before contracts were up, learned from the deals the DGA and WGA had already made – they brought a shorter list of demands to the table. I mean, all they had to do was build on the precedent of those other contracts, right? And they got what they were looking for, and were ready to sign what most referred to as a “damn good deal”. Great! Unfortunately, SAG got angry. And you know what happens when you make Sag angry? SAG smash! That’s right, SAG’s looooong list of demands wasn’t going to be met completely, so why should AFTRA be happy. They said that AFTRA’s new contract would undermine their ongoing talks, so not only did they ask SAG members within AFTRA to vote down the deal, they actually threatened legal action against their brother union. And then they gave them a wet willie. Reeeeal mature, guys!

So what are the sticking points of ratifying new deals? Well, much like the WGA deal, a lot hinges on their chunk of DVD sales as well as that great unproven frontier of the internet. The former is obvious – everyone wants to get more money. But that interweb thing sure is a sticky widget. You know those “webisodes” that a lot of shows post on their websites (from silly shows like Monk and Psych to more serious (and better-produced) fare like Battlestar Galactica)? A lot goes into those mini-episodes, including script writing, direction, and (go figure) actors. A lot of studios, though, were trying to pass those off as “promo material”, even though it was a hell of a lot more than a commercial. And “promo material” for the studios meant, at one point, no payday. The other gray area was episodes that stream online for “free” – even though most of them have advertisements embedded in them, which SOMEONE is obviously paying for.

But with the DGA and WGA deals in place, shouldn’t they just be able to just photocopy one of those and stamp their names on it? You’d think so. If nothing else, remember this: AFTRA tried. SAG smashed. Hopefully beauty can quell that beast before long – otherwise we may get no new TV in the fall. We’ve only got about a week of working actors left if there’s a walkout. And oddly, we seemed to care a whole lot more when the writers were getting underpaid, but Hollywood still took a huge beating and lost a lot of viewers. With the general perception that most actors are overpaid crybabies already, will there be an industry left for them to come back to?

Ay Chihuahua!

George Carlin: Another Comedy Icon Lost

Man, Monday mornings have been a real bummer lately.

Counterculture class clown George Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, died from heart failure on Sunday evening (June 22) – he was 71. In his countless stand up shows, he taught us why to speed through red lights (“My brother might be coming the other way!”), showed us where to put our stuff and, most importantly, gave us the list of “Seven words you can never say on television” (which can, of course, be viewed on YouTube). Those seven dirty little utterances actually got him arrested for disturbing the peace in Milwaukee in 1972 – which got thrown out of court when it was ruled as free speech. "So my name is a footnote in American legal history, which I'm perversely kind of proud of," he told The Associated Press earlier this year.

Let’s not forget the comedic genius of his movie career, either – granted, Bill & Ted might not have been a masterpiece, but it was pretty damn funny for its time. Some of his most memorable roles from recent years, though, were courtesy of Kevin Smith: from a role as his holiness Cardinal Glick (in the wildly under-appreciated Dogma) to the complete opposite end of the spectrum as a trucker providing tips on road head (in Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back), George stole every scene he was in (Yes, even in the critically hated Jersey Girl).

Hopefully God has a sense of humor (maybe he actually was George Burns after all). Any way you slice it, the Pearly Gates may soon be resounding with the sweet sounds of Carlin’s profanity. I wonder what he’d say as he walks through that front door? My guess? “Holy fuck, what’s with all the harps?!”

Mourning A Legend, Celebrating A Legacy: Stan Winston

We lost a huge talent last weekend: legendary special effects guru Stan Winston died at his home on June 15th, after battling myeloma for the past seven years. If you don’t think you know who he is, you most certainly know his Oscar-winning achievements (and if you’re a card-carrying sci-fi/horror geek and you didn’t already know how amazing he was – shame on you!).

Mr. Winston has brought us some of the vilest, most terrifying creatures on the big screen since the mid-seventies. The difference between his work and any other FX schlub in the business, though? He actually made you believe these monsters could be REAL. And in the mid-eighties, armed with no CGI and a lot of sculpey, this was a feat that really meant something. From making you believe that a Terminator was coming from the future to kick your ass to showing you what an ugly mother a Predator looked like to forcing you to poop a little when you first saw the creepy-crawlies in Aliens – he was responsible for all of that, in an era where others in his field might as well have been using sock puppets.

And when the CGI did start to come around? Lots of people thought that the old creature creators would become irrelevant, but Stan proved them wrong. Not only did his designs help the computer graphics come to life, but the interaction with, say, a manmade giant T. Rex head in Jurassic Park brought his work to a new level. Not all shots could look as real with only the use of new-fangled animation, but layer in old-school effects? About as near to perfect as you can get – I mean, who else could actually make you scared of a cloned dinosaur? (The entire cast and crew of Carnosaur, for example, should be hanging their heads in shame right now.)

So what had Winston done lately? Do you remember the ridiculously popular Iron Man film that just came out? Well, after Jon Favreau worked with Stan on Zathura, he asked him to create the suit of armor for that recent Marvel Studios production – and once again, jaw dropping results. An appropriate exclamation point to an incredible career - he will be greatly missed.

(For a more detailed list of Stan Winston’s works (including films, comics and toys) go to StanWinston.com or imdb.com)

Your Friday The 13th Soundtrack

Hi all - here's some music to accompany this special day. There are songs about superstition and bad luck and homages to machete-wielding maniacs - something for everyone. Enjoy!

1. "Superstition" - Stevie Wonder (with an appropriately creepy cover by Megadeth)
2. "Paranoid" - Black Sabbath
3. "Psycho Therapy" - Ramones
4. "He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)" - Alice Cooper
5. "Born Under A Bad Sign" - Albert King (covered by Cream)
6. "Just Got Wicked" - Cold
7. "Bad Luck" - Social Distortion
8. "Pass The Hatchet" - Southern Culture On The Skids
9. "Scream!" - The Misfits
10. "Bad Luck Blue Eyes Goodbye" - The Black Crowes
11. "Break My Body" - Pixies
12. "The Curse" - Devil Dolls
13. "Drain The Blood" - The Distillers

That's all for now - did I forget any songs? You know where the comments section is...

What’s New On Tube? – Pilot Season ’08-’09 (Part 2)

Okay, what else we got? These are the last of my picks …

3. The Cleveland Show (Fox – Spring 2009) – Okay, what’s Family Guy going to do without Cleveland? I guess the real question is, what will Cleveland be doing? I’m glad you asked. Now that his wife Loretta is out of the picture, Mr. Brown seems poised to move back to his hometown in Stool Bend, VA with Cleveland Jr. in this spin-off. It looks like he’s starting a new life with his high school sweetheart and her two kids - but will there be more tomfoolery, pop culture skewering and freakish flashbacks a la Family Guy? And maybe a family of bears living next door? You bet your sweet patootie! For an early promo clip, go here.

4. My Own Worst Enemy (NBC – Fall 2008) – It’s categorized as a drama, but this could just as easily be the description for a sitcom: a suburban working dad and an efficient and deadly spy learn that they are the same person, due to a scorching case of multiple personality disorder. Jinkies! Being plugged into a Monday schedule with Chuck and Heroes as its compatriots, I’m assuming that there will be a good deal of tongue-in-cheek as well. And having Christian Slater in the starring role doesn’t hurt for exposure…

5. The Eleventh Hour (CBS – Fall 2008) – Another British remake (you know my mixed feelings about the upcoming Life On Mars remake), this time helmed by the king of CSI (and a slew of cheesy action movies – let’s not forget Armageddon here, folks), Jerry Bruckheimer. The premise: a special science adviser to the U.S. government is sent to save people from the worst abuses of science, with the aid of his spunky female sidekick! Much like my premonitions of the Mars remake, they need to tread carefully or take a bad turn into Hokey-ville. But with CSI as a lead-in, it has a better chance of survival than many.

Worth Mentioning:

90210 (CW – Fall 2008) – Yes, a spin-off of the cult primetime soap. I was more excited while Rob Thomas (Veronica Mars, not Matchbox 20) was attached, but with Freaks & Geeks producers on board, maybe it’ll still be okay. Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling are on board, with more original cast members looking to sign up.

Knight Rider (NBC – Fall 2008) – Is this really worth mentioning? Not entirely sure, but the TV movie did so well last year that it warranted a new series. Everything old is new again – but will The Hoff be able to take time away from his German tour to help out?

Kath & Kim (NBC – Fall 2008) – A sitcom featuring Molly Shannon & Selma Blair.

The Goode Family (ABC – Late Fall 2008) – Mike Judge (Beavis & Butthead, Office Space, King of the Hill) brings us the animated tale of this do-gooder family. Their attempts to “Go green!” and do the right thing end up in hilarious misadventures – or so the description says. Sounds good, but outside of Fox primetime cartoons don’t tend to survive for too long - remember Father of the Pride or God, The Devil and Bob? I didn’t think so…).

See you in a couple of days for a Friday The 13th soundtrack...

Strolling Of The Heifers 2008

A light-hearted take on Spain’s Running Of The Bulls, this is an event that most would simply refer to as “The Cow Parade” in Brattleboro, VT. But that’s certainly not all – this event is designed to be cute and fun, but it’s also a powerful force for aiding local agriculture and education, raising funds and promoting awareness. With each year having an appropriate theme, the message for the seventh annual Strolling is “Live Green!” Helen Robb (a local dairy farmer who helped establish the parade and festival) explained this year’s motif: “We chose ‘Live Green!’ as the theme for this year’s agricultural celebration because when it comes to slowing down global climate change, we’ve all got to do our part,” Robb stated. “With roughly 40,000 attendees each year, the parade and festival offer an unparalleled opportunity to help people embrace the lifestyle changes needed to preserve the environment for future generations."

And of course, there are cows in Leis! Enjoy the pictures…



Not so real cows...



The Pooper Scoopers, a super hero squad dedicated to eradicating bovine dookie!

Local Schools/Children's Organizations

Best Of The Rest

What's New On Tube? - Pilot Season '08-'09 (Part 1)

Pilot season! Duck Season! Whatever it is, it’s time to start making some new TV for the fall – and pickings are slim, kids. The writers’ strike stalled production on scripts for fall pilots, so the networks only had a handful of projects to choose from. Of those, they picked the safety route – big names at the helm or very recognizable actors were key. Here’s a sampling of what’s to come, starting in the fall and spring of the ’08-’09 season:

1. Dollhouse (Fox – Early 2009) – So Joss Whedon and Eliza Dushku walk into a restaurant… Yes, this project started out like the beginning to some bad joke – Whedon (the man who brought us Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly) and Dushku (who played bad-girl Faith in both Buffy and Angel) went out for lunch and ended up with both a show idea and its leading lady. Check, please!
The Dollhouse is a top-secret facility where Echo (Dushku) is one of the “Actives” – people who are blank slates, constantly reprogrammed with new memories for their missions. Since these missions benefit the whims of the uber-rich, an Active could be someone’s escort one week while being an assassin the next. But problems arise when Echo begins to retain memories from previous missions – life as a secret agent marionette just can’t be simple, can it?
The show also features genre vets Amy Acker (Angel) and Tahmoh Penikett (Battlestar Galactica) as other players in the Dollhouse, as well as producers from previous Whedon projects – so this show is turning into quite the powerhouse. But with Fox’s previous (mis)treatment of Whedon vehicles, fans are already petitioning the network to save the show from cancellation – I’d say that might be going overboard, but I was pissed when Firefly got canned, too!

2. Fringe (Fox – Fall 2008) – Another big-name project, this time from J.J. Abrams (Lost, Alias). We follow two FBI agents, Olivia Dunham (relative newcomer Anna Tory, The Secret Life Of Us) and Peter Bishop (Dawson Creek's Joshua Jackson), as they explore the spread of unexplained phenomenon - of the dangerous variety, of course!
Hmmm – two FBI agents checking out spooky happenings in “fringe science” from astral projection to reanimation… Didn’t Fox start out with a show like that? Mulder and Scully ring any bells? Still, the show has a good premise and is in excellent hands. Plus, Fox hasn’t ALWAYS been so horrible to new shows –maybe they can use the same energy and cojones they use for picking exciting new shows and direct that towards actually maintaining and promoting Fringe and Dollhouse. I have a comment ready about unicorns flying out of my butt in mind, but I’m trying to remain optimistic here.

That's all for now, to be continued next time - when we'll preview something from Jerry Bruckheimer and a Family Guy spinoff. See you then…

Big Night Out: Rilo Kiley & Thao - Calvin Theatre, Northampton, MA – June 1

I wasn’t prepared to do a review for this show, but not sharing how fantabulous these bands are would be a disservice to you, the music listening community. And what I mean by this is that you should find a way to see either/both of these bands if they come to your area by any means necessary. What do I mean by that? Well, here’s how I’d rate the importance of seeing these bands: Low level of commitment – Stealing money from mom’s purse to get a ticket, Appropriate level – Willing to “borrow” a team of snow dogs to cross an icy tundra to see the show, Zealot level – Ready to punch the Pope for declaring the show sinful and blasphemous – and he woulda had it coming, too!

Who? – We started out with Thao with The Get Down Stay Down. I wrote about this band a while back, likening their first big single, “Bag of Hammers” to a Modest Mouse song. Well, this three-piece rocked my socks off throughout their 45-minute set, proving that they might very well be able to knock those Modest kids out in a musical cage match. To say that Thao herself was feisty would be like saying lava is “a little warm” – it looked like what might happen if a speed demon possessed the Energizer Bunny. There was hair flying, feet stamping and gyrations that threatened to make her guitar fly from around her neck and smash to bits. But they never missed a beat, even after her stage banter about the “Bullshit!” that are Dr. Scholl’s inserts – she fought through the foot pain and stamped those heels some more for the title track to We Brave Bee Stings And All (the song is actually titled “Swimming Pools”). The songs were all a bit more up-tempo than the album versions, but that just made for a better show – this trio produced more sound than most big bands ever could, and I started to worry that the headliner just wouldn’t measure up…

Nothing to worry about there! This particular big band wasn’t lacking in the ferocity department, either – they blew the doors off from the start with “The Moneymaker”, the huge single from their most recent album, Under The Blacklight. I was initially a bit hesitant about this band – fronted by two former child stars, Jenny Lewis (Troop Beverly Hills) and Blake Sennett (Boy Meets World)? Was it a gimmick? If so, it really frakkin’ works! Lewis’ sultry-yet-bombastic vocal style gives the songs a seductive vibe, while Sennett’s smartass comments and guitar chops show that this band doesn’t need any tricks. And the fact that most of the musicians on stage (5-6 people, depending on the song) could seamlessly switch instruments (Lewis herself played bass, guitar and keyboard) was that much more impressive.
But what might have made more of an impression was the amount of songs that I knew. Have you ever gone to a show thinking you weren’t going to know anything on the set list, only to be constantly saying: “Huh, I didn’t know they did THAT song…”? From radio hits and TV soundtrack songs like “Portions For Foxes” and “Silver Lining” to the creepily seductive “15”, there were sing-along-worthy moments throughout. And they craftily proved that when they let the audience sing an entire, rousing verse of “With Arms Outstretched”. All told, a helluva show – but with four studio albums under their belts, not to mention the EPs, they certainly leave you wanting more.

So what are you waiting for? Go to the bands’ tour pages and find out when they’re going to be coming to a spot near you! And don’t give me that “But gas prices are so high!” crap – if you were willing to punch the Pope, siphoning gas from some asshole with a Camaro shouldn’t be a problem for you…

Fall TV Schedule: Who Gets To Stay? (Part 2)

Since some of these shows would never have had a chance during a normal season, we have a few reasons not to yell obscenities about the writers’ strike any more. The fact that a couple of the shows on this list alone are from mid-season squatters is extraordinary. Well, let’s get on with it:

Same As It Ever Was (Renewals, Part 2) – The Dramas

1. Pushing Daisies (ABC) – What would you do with the power to bring someone back from the dead? Yes, there could be some creepy answers to that question as it is, but did I mention the catches to that “gift”? The universe doesn’t like to give stuff like that away for free, so if you want to keep someone alive for longer than a minute, someone else nearby has to die. Oh, and if you ever touch the previously deceased again, they’re gone for good.
This is the central premise of Daisies, and the man with the magic in this modern fairy tale is Ned (Lee Pace, Wonderfalls). Poor Ned, it seems, discovered his cursed gift at an early age after his mother accidentally died and he, just as accidentally, brought her back. Not knowing what he had done, nor the consequences, his neighbor dropped dead at the minute marker – which would have been bad enough until he tried to hug Mommy, and well…bad things. So, does he end up in the loony bin? No, he decides to become a piemaker and solve crimes in his spare time. Duh.
In the wrong hands this story could be a downer, but since the series is brought to us by Bryan Fuller (the comedic sci-fi genius behind Dead Like Me and Wonderfalls), we get a technicolor romantic fantasy that only jokingly hints at the macabre. Throw in lovely leading lady Chuck (Ned’s true love, recently undead thanks to his intervention, played by Anna Friel), pint-sized spitfire Olive, Emerson Cod, the private dick who is the sleuthing Bert to Ned’s Ernie (played by an uncharacteristically comedic Chi McBride - Boston Public, House) and occasional guest stints by the likes of Paul Reubens (Pee-Wee Herman) and Molly Shannon (SNL)… Near perfection. If they can maintain the quality we’ve barely glimpsed, we’re in for a treat.

2. Chuck (NBC) – Again, a dramedy – I guess that’s my thing lately. This time, switch magic powers with a computer-enhanced brain and there you have it. Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi, Less Than Perfect) has a dead-end job as computer tech at the local Buy More (think Best Buy in the fictional realm) – but things get interesting when an old college buddy sends him an e-mail that downloads a top-secret government database into his brain. I hate it when that happens!
And of course, every government agency wants the info in Chuck’s head – but no one can agree on who should be in control. So the NSA sends Casey (Adam Baldwin, Firefly) to keep tabs, while the CIA sends Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski), who poses as Chuck’s girlfriend and acts as his protector. Add the confused romantic intentions of the geek with the million-dollar brain and we’ve got Three’s-Company-worthy misunderstandings. Overall, a great mix of slapstick comedy with crazy action sequences.

3. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox) – Normally, movie spin-offs in TV form don’t live up to the original goods: Highlander, The Crow, Weird Science and, dare I mention it, Freddy’s Nightmares all come to mind. But despite the prominent placement of a 90210 alum (Brian Austin Green) as John Connor’s uncle, and also overlooking the fact that this was a midseason drop-off - the show is actually... good.
Set after the events in Terminator 2, we get a different version of what could have happened to the timeline. The show follows Sarah (Lena Headey, whose take on the role mirrors the intensity of Linda Hamilton) and John Connor (Thomas Dekker, fresh off Heroes, plays this future leader of the resistance against the evil Skynet) as they try once again to avert a possible robotic apocalypse. This time, their Terminator buddy is Cameron (the wonderful Summer Glau, Firefly), who looks like a cute high school girl but can still punch through a brick wall. Obviously, there are some not-so-nice robots out to kill our heroes – the show’s not “Sarah Connor’s Tea Party” after all – and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

4. Eli Stone (ABC) – A brain tumor gave Eli (a high-powered defense attorney) the power to see the future – or did it just make him crazy? You see, his Dad (Tom Cavanaugh from Ed, Scrubs) had the same condition and everyone thought he was nuts - talk about bad genetics, huh? The visions Eli has often remind me of an old Ally McBeal fantasy – oddly comedic and inappropriately timed. So what does he see in these omens? Most don’t make sense at first, until the story unfolds. And many are focused on George Michael (yes, the ex-Wham singer), who belts out the future via song… Huh, maybe Eli is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
These portents seemed cute at first, but the plot device quickly wore thin – which was something the writers must have realized when they reined it in midway through the first season. When the plot started to become more grounded in real world character interaction, we got a glimpse at the talents of the supporting cast: from Eli’s ex-fiancee Taylor (Natasha Henstridge - Species) to Jordan Wethersby, the head of the firm (Victor Garber – Alias) to naïve newbie lawyer Maggie (Julie Gonzalo – Veronica Mars) to Eli’s secretary Patti (Loretta Devine – Boston Public), we see that there is certainly no need for overused plot devices. Such phenomenal casting for another midseason show was a coup, but to get a renewal slip – well deserved…

5. Life (NBC) – As a cop who just got released from being falsely imprisoned for the past few years, what’s the first thing on your mind? Keep in mind that you just got a huge cash settlement for the “misunderstanding”, so you could do pretty much whatever you want. Yeah, he’s got the sex thing covered – and you’ve got a dirty mind. Naughty. But revenge was the answer I was looking for.
Charlie Crews is the cop in question, and he’s back on the job – yes, he went back to work as a policeman, despite the millions and the mansion and the ladies. Crazy? Sure, but how sane would you be after your stretch for murder? And daily interaction with the very people who turned their backs on Charlie – that’s just good TV, kids.
This could seem contrived in the hands of lesser actors, but the cast pulls it off well. Charlie (Damian Lewis) adopts a zen attitude toward police work, which can come off as flippant and drives his new partner Dani (Sarah Shahi) crazy. But that doesn’t stop him from being the man you’re rooting for as he saves the day. The real beauty of this show is that it doesn’t get horribly bogged down in the overall mythology. Sure, they spend a decent amount of time unraveling the mystery behind Charlie’s conviction – but Life could easily stand alone as a weekly procedural with a smarmy lead detective. Jump on in the fall for a look…

Next Time: What pilot shows are worth checking out in the fall?

(And, for the last time, the full fall schedule is here. Next time you're on your own;)